The C Word. And Others.

In this modern age, the age of liberated women, tv shows like Sex and the City, and pants, one question that seems to float around an awful lot is this: is courtship dead?

I was thinking the other night, and I realized that I've never really been asked out on a date. Perhaps this is my fault for always hanging around too many guys until my expectations are lowered, but then again, it seems strange that this phenomenon has been generated simply from my propensity to surround myself with men.

Don't get me wrong, I've been out to dinner with guys. But they're usually guys I am already involved with or "just friends." I don't recall there ever being a time when a guy asked me to dinner or dancing or something with the intention being getting to know me better because he liked me and wanted to see where we could go. Maybe my memory is failing me, I don't know. The point is, have men become too comfortable with the fact that women are liberated enough that they don't have to woo us anymore? Many women claim that our new-found freedom is a double-edged sword. We want power, respect, independence, and treatment as equals, but we also want to be adored, pampered, fought for, and romanced.

While I'm on the subject of courtship and romance, another issue has been on my mind. The issue of that little phrase, "I love you." This, to me, is a phrase that packs quite a punch. It is a phrase so significant to me that I have only said it to three men "in that way" in my entire life. However, I've been hearing more and more about people who say it quickly and often, who throw it out willy-nilly like "hello," or "cute dog." So my question is this: how many people out there are the type to say it quickly and to anyone they happen to be dating, and how many are the type to wait, to weigh things carefully, to make sure it's actually true before they say it? Also, how many people have said it back, just to protect their partner's feelings?

So that's it. For today, at any rate.

Just a Little Poetry.

I am in orbit around you,
I am suspended weightless over you
like the blue man
in the Chagall,hanging over you
in a delirious kiss.
Yesterday on the street
I swore I heard your name.
I turned and there was nobody there.
Just five birds rising off the ground--and when their wings hit the air,
I heard your name again.
Just for that second I was one of them,
pounding out your name...
A word of two syllables
locked inside my head.
You see, I am
and I will always be
the one who loved you
without limits.
This is my whole life right now.
Writing to you, talking to you like this.
Saying things I wanted to say,
but could not. And why?
When you are reaching for a star,
there is a long way to fall.
I love you. I have breathed you in.
Why should we sip from a tea cup,
when we can drink from the river?

The Post-It Always Sticks Twice...

"Actually, there is a good way to break up with someone. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of being the bad guy and actually have the 'uncomfortable breakup conversation' because here's what: avoiding it is what makes you the bad guy. And you know what else? Women aren't all irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this: there is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn't include a post-it!"

-Carrie Bradshaw

Elton John Said It Best.

Funny how life goes in circles. You think you've moved on, forgotten, started anew, and then you find yourself in a staring contest with four years ago. You had only just begun to move past your past, and then there it is again, waving hello to you, smiling and smelling so familiar...
We are haunted by our pasts, yes. That is always the case. But every once in a while, when history starts repeating itself and we get that all-too-unsettling sense of deja vu, it stops us on our tracks. We straighten up, look around, sniff the air, the hair on the back of our necks standing straight up as if in warning. "You've been here before..."

V-Day

To me, Valentine's Day has never been about whether I'm dating someone or not. Maybe it's because I'm not really a relationship person, but I've never been overly depressed or ridiculously happy on Valentine's Day. To me, it's about every kind of love, not just romantic. And, of course, it's also my dad's birthday, so it's kind of always been about family.

But on another note, I would like to discuss romantic gestures. I think one of the biggest reasons we watch romantic movies is for the big gesture at the end, the running through a crowded airport to catch your love just in time, the person who ignores all rules to get their message across, the handsome man who rides up on horseback to whisk you away to a life of adventure and passion.

Whatever happened to the grandiose gestures? The ones that meant something? Roses and candy are all very well, but I'd rather have a guy stand outside of my bedroom window, holding up a boom box, asking, desperately, hopelessly, if he can be part of my life.

I want poetry!

Update

So I'm moving back in with my dad on January 1st. Hopefully it'll enable us to start a real California fund. Our biggest thing is that we need a new car.

I have a great Aunt who may let us live with her in Cali while we hunt for jobs and try and find an apartment in the L.A. area.

This might actually happen, folks! Keep everything crossed!

Aliens And Things...

First a disclaimer: I've had a crush on Jeff Goldblum since I was a little girl.

I just finished watching "Earth Girls Are Easy" for the first time.

The scene where he and Geena Davis shag for the first time is the sexiest sex scene I have ever seen.

No joke.