PURE.

So I went clubbing on Friday with Justin. About ten minutes into it, I was like, "Oh, THIS is what clubbing is meant to be." The venue was perfect, the music was fun, and the lighting cast the dancing patrons into a haze of surreal and tenuous actuality. (With or without alcohol. But with is always better!) It was the most fun I have ever had at a club and one of the funnest times I've ever had like, ever.

And now I would like to talk about a subject that has been plaguing me for quite some time, but even more so now that I am closer to it. It is the subject of restaurant etiquette. Now, I'm sure that all of my friends are perfectly gracious restaurant patrons, but a girl has to rant. So here are my list of non-negotiable restaurant rules.

1- ALWAYS sit where the hostess leads you. There are several reasons for this. There's this thing called rotation, see, and if a waiter gets double-sat they have to blame someone and so they blame the host. Also, maybe you're fat or old or little and the host knows all the tables in the place like the back of her hand and she's probably trying to lead you to the one best for you. Just SIT, dammit.

2- If your host tells you to park your gigantic stroller somewhere, park it there. Otherwise it becomes a fire hazard.

3- TIP TIP TIP. Hosts and servers BOTH earn below minimum wage and both depend on tips to live. Servers earn $2.13 an hour and hosts $5.35. There are many, many horror stories I've heard about bad tippers in restaurants, and I've heard them all, but the one I heard that horrified me the most was earlier today. A server at my restaurant was finishing up at a table and she brought the customers their check. She asked if they needed change and they said they didn't. She went away to discover 30 cents extra in the book. Instead of just lying down and taking it, she approached the customers and asked if there was anything wrong with their service. They said no, but they informed her that their ward had decided to not tip to help the economy, because servers earn an hourly wage, they thought, somewhere around minimum wage or about $8.00. She explained to them that servers earn basically nothing and depend on tips, and also if a person tips poorly that they end up paying for food. The man didn't believe her and just kept blabbing on about the economy. Yes, times are bad, but we all have to earn a living. I think it's a crime that servers and hosts must depend on tips for their livelihood, but that's just the way it is. So TIP. This just doesn't go for food service, but hair cuts, massage, etc. We all earn squat.

4- Clean up after yourselves. I'm not saying to take your plate to the kitchen. That's dangerous. But stack your plates and cups, clean up paper garbage, wipe up spills, etc. This especially goes for people with kids. Before I ever worked in food I didn't really like kids. Now I HATE them. Nuff said.

These are just the basics. Of course I have a million little pet peeves, but they are lesser. Just be nice. Like I know you are.