In this modern age, the age of liberated women, tv shows like Sex and the City, and pants, one question that seems to float around an awful lot is this: is courtship dead?
I was thinking the other night, and I realized that I've never really been asked out on a date. Perhaps this is my fault for always hanging around too many guys until my expectations are lowered, but then again, it seems strange that this phenomenon has been generated simply from my propensity to surround myself with men.
Don't get me wrong, I've been out to dinner with guys. But they're usually guys I am already involved with or "just friends." I don't recall there ever being a time when a guy asked me to dinner or dancing or something with the intention being getting to know me better because he liked me and wanted to see where we could go. Maybe my memory is failing me, I don't know. The point is, have men become too comfortable with the fact that women are liberated enough that they don't have to woo us anymore? Many women claim that our new-found freedom is a double-edged sword. We want power, respect, independence, and treatment as equals, but we also want to be adored, pampered, fought for, and romanced.
While I'm on the subject of courtship and romance, another issue has been on my mind. The issue of that little phrase, "I love you." This, to me, is a phrase that packs quite a punch. It is a phrase so significant to me that I have only said it to three men "in that way" in my entire life. However, I've been hearing more and more about people who say it quickly and often, who throw it out willy-nilly like "hello," or "cute dog." So my question is this: how many people out there are the type to say it quickly and to anyone they happen to be dating, and how many are the type to wait, to weigh things carefully, to make sure it's actually true before they say it? Also, how many people have said it back, just to protect their partner's feelings?
So that's it. For today, at any rate.
I know that a lot of people view courtship and dating as completely different things. I've always thought as courtship as a "marriage or bust" type of situation, whereas dating was just more of a "maybe this will last" set up. Am I old fashioned? Quite possibly.
ReplyDeleteYes, you're right. The definition of courtship is literally the act or art of seeking love of someone with the intent to marry. But I was just kind of using it here as a blanket term for suiting, seeking affection, dating, etc.
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ReplyDeleteI have some ideas about actually being asked out on a date, but it may have more to do with being of different generations than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI do, however have very STRONG opinions about the phrase "I love you." My husband, Scott would say it at every opportunity. When we hung up from a phone conversation, left the house, came home, etc. I made a comment to him about how he said it so often, that it almost became meaningless. His response to that was "I don't know when or if I'll ever see you or anyone again, and even if it is said in a less than meaningful way, it is true and I want that to be remembered as the most important thing about our relationship." It is used too often and in very casual ways. Nevertheless, saying it, puts the meaning of the phrase in our subconscious. The world is in need of more positive energy. Is it possible to have or give too much love? Is it possible to think about the meaning of love too much? I think not. So, saying "I love you," in a meaningful way or not, is a much better thing than saying something more negative....or letting the other person believe something more negative....or.....
That's a very good point. I make it a point to say I love you to my friends often as well, because it's like you said, the world could do with more positive energy floating around. It seems like we've gotten so uncomfortable with the phrase that we find it hard to say it even to the people we care about most.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to romantic love, though, I feel that the phrase should have the significance it was meant to. I'm all for saying it if that's what you really feel, but I've known guys to say it when they think things are going well as opposed to when they actually feel it. And that can have a negative effect as well. Confusion, hurt feelings, etc.
Once love is felt, though, it should be expressed often and abundantly!