Here's a 'golden oldie' ...
One of the big downsides of choosing to earn our living
as actors is the sheer number of people we meet who think
we should just give it up. Quit. Throw in the towel.
You know, when your friends look at you like you're nuts,
or when your family or significant other starts talking
to you, quietly, about considering another line of work.
There are even teachers, coaches and authors of 'helpful'
books who eagerly tell you, that what you are doing with
your life is a "crazy dream" (as if they knew you well
enough to have an opinion).
Something I've learned lately is, if you listen to these people - you are not
going to get where you want to go.
Here are a few folks one should listen to instead:
"Don't tell me not to fly, I've simply got to. If I take
a spill, it's me and not you. Who told you you're allowed
to rain on my parade?" ~ Lyrics from Funny Girl
"How much time he saves who does not look to see what his
neighbor says - or does- or thinks." ~ Marcus Aurelius
"Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin anyone who
wants to be ruined." ~ Josh Billings
This is what these pretty smart people are saying about
listening to other people with regard to your dream: It's
me, not you. Who cares what you think? You can only ruin
this if I let you.
Those people, the ones who are telling you to give it
up, may be perfectly well-intentioned - they don't want
to see you get hurt, let's say - or they just want to
make sure that you make a safe choice like grabbing a
good spot challenging world of retail shoe sales.
Or, maybe they're just mean-spirited bozos with nothing
better to do with their time. Their own lives are a big
disaster but they can't bother trying to fix it, so they
have the time to explain the 'facts of life' to you.
But this is MY decision.
This is MY life.
I am the one who has to DO what has to be done.
I know, more than ever now, that you should never confuse
someone else's beliefs (often wrongly called thoughts)
for your own.
Okay! Now that we've gotten past all the people who are
standing in our way - we're ready to 'go for the gold'
... right?
Not so fast.
There is one other person who simply refuses to get out
of your way.
Oh yeah -- it's YOU!
Yes, the only person who can stop you from realizing
your dream is YOU.
Do you know why you're the last person standing in your
own way?
Psychiatrists have loads of different answers to that
question but I only have one: We tend to stand in our
own way because we're afraid.
What are we afraid of?
A lot of things: Failure. Rejection. Success. Finding
out what other people think of us. Being wrong. Being
laughed at. Being the goat.
All of these fears and lots of others are all out there
waiting for us - but, in my not so humble opinion what
we're really afraid of ... what really keeps us from the
success we want - what builds those 'insurmountable'
walls of fear is ... CHANGE.
Human beings don't like change.
We try to play it 'safe.'
For instance, we often fall into a comfortable routine
of acting classes, showcases, and relationships with
people who never examine, question or challenge our
predetermined beliefs.
To be blunt, our careers fall into a rut. Our headshot
is 2 years old. We keep jobs we hate in order to pay for
our 'habit.' We've seen the inside of more dingy little
theatres than a 100-year-old fire inspector.
We keep doing it this way because we don't like change.
But, if we don't change, guess what? We are going to end
up like Wile E. Coyote, constantly buying into the latest
Acme product and hoping that this new gimmick will work.
And like that crazy coyote, we generally end up going over
the cliff - ker-flop - onto the canyon floor.
It gets old, real fast.
We all know, instinctively, what our behavior really means:
Actors who keep doing the same thing over and over again,
expecting to get different results, probably needs the help
of a mental health professional.
We insist on using a headshot that isn't working (getting
us called in) and keep moaning about the behavior of agents
and casting directors.
Look, no matter what you've been told, it's NOT a numbers
game ... it's a face game.
Or we go to 'industry parties' - networking like a frantic
insurance salesman at a retirement village.
Unfortunately, actors are
rarely hired at parties - unless they are already a known
commodity - or they're really selling 'companionship.'
Or we do unpaid gig after unpaid gig, hoping against hope
that Spielberg will show up one lucky night and carry us
away to the stardom we so richly deserve (because we want
it so much).
Always remember the ladder concept when it comes to success -
one step at a time. Bottom line? There are no shortcuts to
anywhere worth going.
After a couple of years of this merry-go-round, we get weary.
Unfortunately this weariness tends to make us cynical. (It's
the path of least resistance.)
The irony here is that this weary cynicism - which we take
on without complaint - is ... (wait for it) ... CHANGE.
Unfortunately, THAT kind of change will cost you your love
of what you do. It will also cost us our commitment to our
goal, our self respect, and - worst of all - the company
of actors who know cynicism (and associating with cynics)
can be a career killer.
My opinion? If you want better (different) results, you have
to get comfortable with CHANGE.
Because, not to put too fine a point on it, change IS going
to happen ... whether you like it or not.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Dreams Never Die....They Just Morph.
When I was in high school almost every
kid I knew had a dream of succeeding in their working lives.
Some wanted to be doctors, others pictured a career in the law,
and some hardy souls still clung to their childhood fantasies of
being firemen or nurses.
And then there were we few, we proud, we happily dysfunctional -
who longed to be in the limelight.
Theatre kids.
I, of course, was in this latter group. As well as many others.
Well the incipient doctors, lawyers, firemen, cops and nurses
had a well defined path to follow. More school - where, over
time, their training and certification would lead them to the
fulfillment of their dreams - and a paying job.
We who dreamed of acting for a living, on the other hand, were
sent out into the world without a road map or compass, left to
our own devices, and frequently told by a fairly large number
of "well-wishers" that we "don't stand a snowball's chance in
hell."
But our dreams were ours, grandiose as they might have been,
and we were bound and determined to see them through. Despite
the warnings of failure, frustration, futility, and poverty -
most of us eventually made our way to the 'big city' in pursuit
of that fabled 'red carpet' and riches beyond compare. It was
on those mean streets that our dreams were tested and tried.
Now, some of us have concluded that the dream has died or is,
at the very least, on life support.
That's not really the truth (in my opinion).
The truth is that dreams rarely die. But, oh, how they change.
For instance, it's a well-known fact that not a few directors,
producers, casting directors and (God help us) DMV employees,
came to L.A. to act.
Along the way they discovered that the rejection - which is
an inherent part of a professional acting career - was just
too much to handle.
(I'm sure we all understand that feeling.)
So, they adjusted their dream - to conform closer to reality.
Many casting directors are actors who came to realize that they
loved watching other actors as much as acting itself. They found
that discovering a wonderful actor was almost as good as their
original dream - and so, they re-tuned their plans and desires.
Almost every director originally started the journey as an actor -
then found out that bossing actors around was pretty good too.
And, let's face it, "auteur" sounds much better than "thesp."
Many producers got 'the bug,' under the greasepaint - but soon
discovered that putting on a show had many of the same pleasures
and rewards as emoting themselves ... and so they zigged, instead
of zagging.
Not to mention the numberless electricians, carpenters, special
effects wizards and camera folks whose original goal was a career
"on the boards."
I'd be willing to bet you a cheap lunch that if you scratch the
surface of almost anyone working in Hollywood today, in almost
any capacity, you will find a dreamer who started with an itch
to be in the spotlight.
But we humans are an adaptable lot, and when whimsy meets the
grocery bill - we tend to accept 'reality' and (dare I say it)
settle.
The irony is that you'll also find many successful actors whose
original dreams had nothing to do with amusing the groundlings.
For instance, Denzel Washington studied journalism, Doris Day
was determined to be a veterinarian, Robert Redford wanted to
be a painter, and John Wayne was just looking for a summer job
to pay for college, so he could continue to play football.
All Julia Roberts wanted was live in New York City. And though
she had the height for modeling, when Seventh Avenue rejected
her - she turned to acting. (Mainly because her brother was an
actor.)
Clint Eastwood's dream was to become a jazz musician - a dream
that only came to fruition after he became a movie star and an
award-winning director.
In fact, my extensive reading of actors' biographies has led me
to the conclusion that many actors, who started with other goals
on their minds, were often more successful than those of us who
spent our every waking moment plotting, planning and pursuing
he dream of stardom with the persistence of Sysyphus.
What does all this mean?
I don't have a freakin' clue.
I've never understood things like destiny, karma, fate, or the
Bernoulli effect.
I do have a vague notion that no matter what you dream of doing,
circumstances will eventually force you to DO something - and
when you start to DO things... well, life takes on a life of its
own.
Above all, it seems crystal clear that dreams never really die -
they simply mutate.
In other words, worrying away at your dream is probably futile.
So it's probably a good idea to keep in mind the words of Douglas
Adams who said it so well: "Don't Panic."
But ... DO SOMETHING.
kid I knew had a dream of succeeding in their working lives.
Some wanted to be doctors, others pictured a career in the law,
and some hardy souls still clung to their childhood fantasies of
being firemen or nurses.
And then there were we few, we proud, we happily dysfunctional -
who longed to be in the limelight.
Theatre kids.
I, of course, was in this latter group. As well as many others.
Well the incipient doctors, lawyers, firemen, cops and nurses
had a well defined path to follow. More school - where, over
time, their training and certification would lead them to the
fulfillment of their dreams - and a paying job.
We who dreamed of acting for a living, on the other hand, were
sent out into the world without a road map or compass, left to
our own devices, and frequently told by a fairly large number
of "well-wishers" that we "don't stand a snowball's chance in
hell."
But our dreams were ours, grandiose as they might have been,
and we were bound and determined to see them through. Despite
the warnings of failure, frustration, futility, and poverty -
most of us eventually made our way to the 'big city' in pursuit
of that fabled 'red carpet' and riches beyond compare. It was
on those mean streets that our dreams were tested and tried.
Now, some of us have concluded that the dream has died or is,
at the very least, on life support.
That's not really the truth (in my opinion).
The truth is that dreams rarely die. But, oh, how they change.
For instance, it's a well-known fact that not a few directors,
producers, casting directors and (God help us) DMV employees,
came to L.A. to act.
Along the way they discovered that the rejection - which is
an inherent part of a professional acting career - was just
too much to handle.
(I'm sure we all understand that feeling.)
So, they adjusted their dream - to conform closer to reality.
Many casting directors are actors who came to realize that they
loved watching other actors as much as acting itself. They found
that discovering a wonderful actor was almost as good as their
original dream - and so, they re-tuned their plans and desires.
Almost every director originally started the journey as an actor -
then found out that bossing actors around was pretty good too.
And, let's face it, "auteur" sounds much better than "thesp."
Many producers got 'the bug,' under the greasepaint - but soon
discovered that putting on a show had many of the same pleasures
and rewards as emoting themselves ... and so they zigged, instead
of zagging.
Not to mention the numberless electricians, carpenters, special
effects wizards and camera folks whose original goal was a career
"on the boards."
I'd be willing to bet you a cheap lunch that if you scratch the
surface of almost anyone working in Hollywood today, in almost
any capacity, you will find a dreamer who started with an itch
to be in the spotlight.
But we humans are an adaptable lot, and when whimsy meets the
grocery bill - we tend to accept 'reality' and (dare I say it)
settle.
The irony is that you'll also find many successful actors whose
original dreams had nothing to do with amusing the groundlings.
For instance, Denzel Washington studied journalism, Doris Day
was determined to be a veterinarian, Robert Redford wanted to
be a painter, and John Wayne was just looking for a summer job
to pay for college, so he could continue to play football.
All Julia Roberts wanted was live in New York City. And though
she had the height for modeling, when Seventh Avenue rejected
her - she turned to acting. (Mainly because her brother was an
actor.)
Clint Eastwood's dream was to become a jazz musician - a dream
that only came to fruition after he became a movie star and an
award-winning director.
In fact, my extensive reading of actors' biographies has led me
to the conclusion that many actors, who started with other goals
on their minds, were often more successful than those of us who
spent our every waking moment plotting, planning and pursuing
he dream of stardom with the persistence of Sysyphus.
What does all this mean?
I don't have a freakin' clue.
I've never understood things like destiny, karma, fate, or the
Bernoulli effect.
I do have a vague notion that no matter what you dream of doing,
circumstances will eventually force you to DO something - and
when you start to DO things... well, life takes on a life of its
own.
Above all, it seems crystal clear that dreams never really die -
they simply mutate.
In other words, worrying away at your dream is probably futile.
So it's probably a good idea to keep in mind the words of Douglas
Adams who said it so well: "Don't Panic."
But ... DO SOMETHING.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Conversations With an Asshole.
Proof that I can charm even the douchiest of douche bags. Even when I've never met them.
It all started with a girlfriend's post...
Jordan Dunn: Wow boys, I thought I was supposed to be the dramatic one.
*
Rutger Semp: THAT'S SUCH A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY, GENERALIZING ALL MEN LIKE THAT.
*
Rutger Semp: HOW COULD YOU, I AM VERY VERY OFFENDED BY THAT
*
Rutger Semp: I WANT, NO I DEMAND AN APOLOGY, ON BEHALF OF ALL MALES
*
Rutger Semp: I AM HURT, HURT IN MY HEART.
*
Tawni Lofgren: Well. My eyes, sanity, sense of respect and my good mood are all quite injured by your inability to turn capslock off, or to pick your pinky finger off the shift button. Either one. And I demand an apology on behalf of all lowercase letters.
*
Rutger Semp: Your case failed when the first thing you did was use a capital W.
*
Tawni Lofgren: I was using proper grammar. Capital letters have their place: at the beginning of names and sentences. Not as every letter in the word.
*
Jordan Dunn: Bahahaha! That was not a generalization... I was talking to multiple boys, not ALL boys.
*
Rutger Semp: Tawni, you're like that red squiggly line in a word processor; knows exactly what's wrong with a word, but couldn't grasp the point of the sentence if your life depended on it. My previous posts were of humorous intent, since the "dramatic" types have a tendency to reach for the cruise-control.
*
Rutger Semp: PS: I use my ring finger for shit. So ha.
*
Rutger Semp: Err, shift. Well shit too, but shit, who gives a shit.
*
Jordan Dunn: Lol This might have been my favorite conversation I've ever started on facebook!
*
Tawni Lofgren: D8 I'm a red squiggly!
PS: I know that you were being funny. I was trying to be humorous in my response, but I guess I didn't add enough emoticons to let you know I wasn't serious.
*
Rutger Semp: Actually the sad truth is that there are too many people out there who would be completely serious about a post like that..
*
Tawni Lofgren:
Which I understand. If this was a normal blog, and you were some person that not even a friend of a friend knew, and they were seriously offended by Jordan's comment, they would have gone berserk and actually caplock rant. If that were the ...case, I would have been totally serious about my rant.
And Jordan, I'm glad that I've made your day better.
*
Corbin Edginton: i love jordan!
*
Elise C. Hanson: It's true, boys are always more dramatic and moody than girls. At least, in my experience. And I've had A LOT of experience.
*
Jordan Dunn: Lol! Yes i'm learning that right now. It's kinda throwing me off a little.
*
Elise C. Hanson: I'm also going to teach you something that will come in very handy all through your life: men are babies.
*
Rutger Semp: Not all of us are. It's just that all the nice cool ones are too shy to be noticed
*
Elise C. Hanson: Another tip: "nice, shy" guys are boring.
*
Rutger Semp: So you're complaining we're no good, when we do what you want us to. I see, well if that's what you want, let me be the first tell you I had severe doubts about these "lots" of experience once I saw your picture
*(Upon changing my profile pic to something totally hot.)
Elise C. Hanson: How 'bout now?
*
Rutger Semp: Putting stuff on your face and desaturating the picture doesn't make you look better, sorry
*
Elise C. Hanson: Rutger, darling, I've just been looking through your pictures, and I have to say, judging by what you've said on this post, you don't have the personality to make up for your repugnant mien, so heaven help you when it comes to women. As it is, I have had a lot of experience, both with men and women. I'm also a pleasant person to be around, as Jordan can attest, so I'm not sure you want to continue your little dialogue, as you are becoming more and more unpleasant as it progresses.
*
Rutger Semp: Elise, dear, frankly I don't give a shit. It's women just like you that made me stop trying to find a decent one quite a while ago.
*
Rutger Semp: Also according to your own words, my unpleasantness should be wildly entertaining to you, so why are you complaining?
*
Elise C. Hanson: Oh, so you're celibate by choice, I thought it was externally inflicted.
*
Elise C. Hanson: It is wildly entertaining. I'm just worried what the women who would have otherwise touched you with a ten foot pole will think.
*
Rutger Semp: Aww, someone is being defensive. That's adorable! You're adorable, I see what people like about you
*
Rutger Semp: You're like a slightly retarded dog. Sad, but adoooorable at the same time
*
Elise C. Hanson: Defensive? No, I was merely agreeing with you. You're proving the point of this post. And it's glorious.
*
Rutger Semp: Well, it's hard for something not to be glorious once I get involved in it.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Is that the best you can come up with, or are you stoned or something. I'm willing to forgive that.
*
Rutger Semp: Though I am somewhat stoned I really just can't be bothered to make the effort with you. It's fairly clear that nothing I can possibly come up with will stop you from thinking what you are and what others are.
*
Elise C. Hanson: I have an query for you, Rutger. How many women have you been with? Just out of curiosity.
*
Rutger Semp: Less than you, probably
*
Elise C. Hanson: Well, that goes without saying. Siren that I am. But that's not really answering the question, now is it?
*
Rutger Semp: No, but it was an option for a clever remark. The answer to your query is 0! Something I am quite proud to say, actually.
*
Elise C. Hanson: AH. So the plot thickens.
*
Rutger Semp: How does the plot thicken? (nice choice of words, by the way)
*
Elise C. Hanson: I have a way with words. And men. What I love about this is that you refer, I'm assuming, to yourself, using the words "nice, cool, and shy." And then one post later you are telling a complete stranger that she is ugly, when we both know, Mr. Semp, that that is not the case. How could I not be wildly entertained? I wish I had a glass of Pinot Noir to toast the moment. But alas, all I have is some gin and PBR. So the toast will have to wait.
*
Rutger Semp:
I'm not nice, or cool. Some people tell me I am but I think you know better than them already that I'm really just an asshole. Shy, well I am somewhat shy, but mostly I just can't be bothered. I find very few women even slightly sexually appealing, and no that doesn't mean I'm attracted to men.
And hell, if you're so "good looking" as you call yourself, and I absolutely do not agree, even in the least, isn't that enough of a testament as to how picky I really am?
Hi, my name is Rutger Semp, and I just don't give a shit about 99,8% of humanity. Elice C. Hanson, you go out and enjoy being like everyone else. And cheers for once you get your hands on some pinot noir, I myself will stick to a beer.
*
Elise C. Hanson:
Well, yes, you are an asshole. I made that observation myself a little while back, but didn't put it "on paper." Are you a-sexual? Do you find that when you masturbate you simply have to look in a mirror in order to achieve climax? Or must ...you wrap your head in saran wrap and then do it?
I think I am good-looking, Rutger. Not a 10, perhaps, but enough to keep the men interested. Of course, I've never had to deal with a-sexual saran wrap men, but you learn something new every day, eh?
99.8? How did you come up with such a percentage? Did you use a calculator, or an abacus? Or a pie chart? I love pie. Especially raspberry. Are you agoraphobic? What's your take on egoist anarchism? Please do tell, I'm interested in hearing the opinions from an obvious moralist such as yourself.
*
Rutger Semp:
I'm not a-sexual, I have however only met four or five girls/women in my life that really did turn me on. The saran wrap, well the fact that you just came up with that tells me more than enough about what goes on in your mind.
And those 99.8...% are plain and simple statistics. And note that as small as that may seem, 0,2% is still over 13.606.000 people, which is quite a few people to tolerate.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Oh, it does? How disappointing. I was so looking forward to divulging all of my curiosities about human sexuality to you, I thought we'd made a connection. Sad day. Perhaps one day when we sit down, me to my bottle of Pinot Noir, you to your Budweiser, and we can discuss philosophies on humanity. I shall look forward to it. Until then, I will leave you to your pocket pinball, or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays.
*
Rutger Semp:
Oh, forgot a part. No, I am not agoraphobic specifically. I do however have a fairly impressive list of other (related) mental disorders, including but not limited to;
- Adjustment disorder
- Avolition
- Bipolar/manic-depressive disorder
...- Delirium
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Obsessive compulsive disorder
- Paranoid schizophrenia
- Panic disorder
- Schizoid personality disorder
- Social phobia
And egoist anarchism? Sounds fun, but it doesn't work.
*
Rutger Semp: Hah, pocket pinball. That takes me back, I haven't played that in over 16 years
*
Elise C. Hanson: Fun, I've dabbled in a few of those as well. The drugs are great. 16 years? So you were what, 2? My, that's an awfully early age to discover masturbation.
*
Rutger Semp: 4, actually. And pocket pinball means masturbation nowadays? I thought they called that fapping or something.
Also, I doubt you got those drugs, or you wouldn't be calling them great.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Yes, I got a few drugs. Some of which my daddy prescribed to me, for he is the very model of a modern major psychiatrist.
I really don't know many slang terms. Just the general ones. And apparently the obscure ones.
*
Rutger Semp: Like bashing the elongated kumquat?
*
Elise C. Hanson: Or choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come.
*
Rutger Semp: Beating tiny tim like he owes money
*
Elise C. Hanson: Shaking hands with the unemployed.
Elise: 1
Assholes everywhere: 0
It all started with a girlfriend's post...
Jordan Dunn: Wow boys, I thought I was supposed to be the dramatic one.
*
Rutger Semp: THAT'S SUCH A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY, GENERALIZING ALL MEN LIKE THAT.
*
Rutger Semp: HOW COULD YOU, I AM VERY VERY OFFENDED BY THAT
*
Rutger Semp: I WANT, NO I DEMAND AN APOLOGY, ON BEHALF OF ALL MALES
*
Rutger Semp: I AM HURT, HURT IN MY HEART.
*
Tawni Lofgren: Well. My eyes, sanity, sense of respect and my good mood are all quite injured by your inability to turn capslock off, or to pick your pinky finger off the shift button. Either one. And I demand an apology on behalf of all lowercase letters.
*
Rutger Semp: Your case failed when the first thing you did was use a capital W.
*
Tawni Lofgren: I was using proper grammar. Capital letters have their place: at the beginning of names and sentences. Not as every letter in the word.
*
Jordan Dunn: Bahahaha! That was not a generalization... I was talking to multiple boys, not ALL boys.
*
Rutger Semp: Tawni, you're like that red squiggly line in a word processor; knows exactly what's wrong with a word, but couldn't grasp the point of the sentence if your life depended on it. My previous posts were of humorous intent, since the "dramatic" types have a tendency to reach for the cruise-control.
*
Rutger Semp: PS: I use my ring finger for shit. So ha.
*
Rutger Semp: Err, shift. Well shit too, but shit, who gives a shit.
*
Jordan Dunn: Lol This might have been my favorite conversation I've ever started on facebook!
*
Tawni Lofgren: D8 I'm a red squiggly!
PS: I know that you were being funny. I was trying to be humorous in my response, but I guess I didn't add enough emoticons to let you know I wasn't serious.
*
Rutger Semp: Actually the sad truth is that there are too many people out there who would be completely serious about a post like that..
*
Tawni Lofgren:
Which I understand. If this was a normal blog, and you were some person that not even a friend of a friend knew, and they were seriously offended by Jordan's comment, they would have gone berserk and actually caplock rant. If that were the ...case, I would have been totally serious about my rant.
And Jordan, I'm glad that I've made your day better.
*
Corbin Edginton: i love jordan!
*
Elise C. Hanson: It's true, boys are always more dramatic and moody than girls. At least, in my experience. And I've had A LOT of experience.
*
Jordan Dunn: Lol! Yes i'm learning that right now. It's kinda throwing me off a little.
*
Elise C. Hanson: I'm also going to teach you something that will come in very handy all through your life: men are babies.
*
Rutger Semp: Not all of us are. It's just that all the nice cool ones are too shy to be noticed
*
Elise C. Hanson: Another tip: "nice, shy" guys are boring.
*
Rutger Semp: So you're complaining we're no good, when we do what you want us to. I see, well if that's what you want, let me be the first tell you I had severe doubts about these "lots" of experience once I saw your picture
*(Upon changing my profile pic to something totally hot.)
Elise C. Hanson: How 'bout now?
*
Rutger Semp: Putting stuff on your face and desaturating the picture doesn't make you look better, sorry
*
Elise C. Hanson: Rutger, darling, I've just been looking through your pictures, and I have to say, judging by what you've said on this post, you don't have the personality to make up for your repugnant mien, so heaven help you when it comes to women. As it is, I have had a lot of experience, both with men and women. I'm also a pleasant person to be around, as Jordan can attest, so I'm not sure you want to continue your little dialogue, as you are becoming more and more unpleasant as it progresses.
*
Rutger Semp: Elise, dear, frankly I don't give a shit. It's women just like you that made me stop trying to find a decent one quite a while ago.
*
Rutger Semp: Also according to your own words, my unpleasantness should be wildly entertaining to you, so why are you complaining?
*
Elise C. Hanson: Oh, so you're celibate by choice, I thought it was externally inflicted.
*
Elise C. Hanson: It is wildly entertaining. I'm just worried what the women who would have otherwise touched you with a ten foot pole will think.
*
Rutger Semp: Aww, someone is being defensive. That's adorable! You're adorable, I see what people like about you
*
Rutger Semp: You're like a slightly retarded dog. Sad, but adoooorable at the same time
*
Elise C. Hanson: Defensive? No, I was merely agreeing with you. You're proving the point of this post. And it's glorious.
*
Rutger Semp: Well, it's hard for something not to be glorious once I get involved in it.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Is that the best you can come up with, or are you stoned or something. I'm willing to forgive that.
*
Rutger Semp: Though I am somewhat stoned I really just can't be bothered to make the effort with you. It's fairly clear that nothing I can possibly come up with will stop you from thinking what you are and what others are.
*
Elise C. Hanson: I have an query for you, Rutger. How many women have you been with? Just out of curiosity.
*
Rutger Semp: Less than you, probably
*
Elise C. Hanson: Well, that goes without saying. Siren that I am. But that's not really answering the question, now is it?
*
Rutger Semp: No, but it was an option for a clever remark. The answer to your query is 0! Something I am quite proud to say, actually.
*
Elise C. Hanson: AH. So the plot thickens.
*
Rutger Semp: How does the plot thicken? (nice choice of words, by the way)
*
Elise C. Hanson: I have a way with words. And men. What I love about this is that you refer, I'm assuming, to yourself, using the words "nice, cool, and shy." And then one post later you are telling a complete stranger that she is ugly, when we both know, Mr. Semp, that that is not the case. How could I not be wildly entertained? I wish I had a glass of Pinot Noir to toast the moment. But alas, all I have is some gin and PBR. So the toast will have to wait.
*
Rutger Semp:
I'm not nice, or cool. Some people tell me I am but I think you know better than them already that I'm really just an asshole. Shy, well I am somewhat shy, but mostly I just can't be bothered. I find very few women even slightly sexually appealing, and no that doesn't mean I'm attracted to men.
And hell, if you're so "good looking" as you call yourself, and I absolutely do not agree, even in the least, isn't that enough of a testament as to how picky I really am?
Hi, my name is Rutger Semp, and I just don't give a shit about 99,8% of humanity. Elice C. Hanson, you go out and enjoy being like everyone else. And cheers for once you get your hands on some pinot noir, I myself will stick to a beer.
*
Elise C. Hanson:
Well, yes, you are an asshole. I made that observation myself a little while back, but didn't put it "on paper." Are you a-sexual? Do you find that when you masturbate you simply have to look in a mirror in order to achieve climax? Or must ...you wrap your head in saran wrap and then do it?
I think I am good-looking, Rutger. Not a 10, perhaps, but enough to keep the men interested. Of course, I've never had to deal with a-sexual saran wrap men, but you learn something new every day, eh?
99.8? How did you come up with such a percentage? Did you use a calculator, or an abacus? Or a pie chart? I love pie. Especially raspberry. Are you agoraphobic? What's your take on egoist anarchism? Please do tell, I'm interested in hearing the opinions from an obvious moralist such as yourself.
*
Rutger Semp:
I'm not a-sexual, I have however only met four or five girls/women in my life that really did turn me on. The saran wrap, well the fact that you just came up with that tells me more than enough about what goes on in your mind.
And those 99.8...% are plain and simple statistics. And note that as small as that may seem, 0,2% is still over 13.606.000 people, which is quite a few people to tolerate.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Oh, it does? How disappointing. I was so looking forward to divulging all of my curiosities about human sexuality to you, I thought we'd made a connection. Sad day. Perhaps one day when we sit down, me to my bottle of Pinot Noir, you to your Budweiser, and we can discuss philosophies on humanity. I shall look forward to it. Until then, I will leave you to your pocket pinball, or whatever it is you kids call it nowadays.
*
Rutger Semp:
Oh, forgot a part. No, I am not agoraphobic specifically. I do however have a fairly impressive list of other (related) mental disorders, including but not limited to;
- Adjustment disorder
- Avolition
- Bipolar/manic-depressive disorder
...- Delirium
- Generalized anxiety disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Obsessive compulsive disorder
- Paranoid schizophrenia
- Panic disorder
- Schizoid personality disorder
- Social phobia
And egoist anarchism? Sounds fun, but it doesn't work.
*
Rutger Semp: Hah, pocket pinball. That takes me back, I haven't played that in over 16 years
*
Elise C. Hanson: Fun, I've dabbled in a few of those as well. The drugs are great. 16 years? So you were what, 2? My, that's an awfully early age to discover masturbation.
*
Rutger Semp: 4, actually. And pocket pinball means masturbation nowadays? I thought they called that fapping or something.
Also, I doubt you got those drugs, or you wouldn't be calling them great.
*
Elise C. Hanson: Yes, I got a few drugs. Some of which my daddy prescribed to me, for he is the very model of a modern major psychiatrist.
I really don't know many slang terms. Just the general ones. And apparently the obscure ones.
*
Rutger Semp: Like bashing the elongated kumquat?
*
Elise C. Hanson: Or choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come.
*
Rutger Semp: Beating tiny tim like he owes money
*
Elise C. Hanson: Shaking hands with the unemployed.
Elise: 1
Assholes everywhere: 0
Friday, October 8, 2010
Food, Eating....The Theatre.
I love the theater. It is my cathedral, and acting is my religion. I love opening night. The quiet murmur of the audience's voices that you hear through the curtain, the smell of old lady's perfume, the sight of people looking through the programs, reading the biographies of young actors whose careers have just begun. The enthusiasm of the actors backstage, doing vocal and physical warm ups, excitement shining in their eyes. It's pure poetry. There is nothing I love better in the world.
Except maybe a sausage biscuit from McDonald's.
Except maybe a sausage biscuit from McDonald's.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)