Live Today As Though It May Become Your Last

I watched Nine the other day. I took myself to the movies. I had never gone alone before. It turned out to be just what I needed. If you go and see it, those of you who know me best will know EXACTLY what I mean. The only thing I thought could have been improved is the casting choice of Daniel Day-Lewis. A fine actor, though not one of my favorites; he made the whole thing a lot more depressing than it had to be. Antonio Banderes would have been a much better choice. The women, however, were all dazzling.
In one of my favorite moments of the film, Nicole Kidman, who plays Day-Lewis's muse, sings to him a song about their relationship. The lyrics, combined with Kidman's haunting, liquid voice were pure magic. This was the point in the movie that I just broke down and cried like a little girl...


In a very unusual
way, one time I needed you.
In a very unusual way, you were my friend.
Maybe it lasted a day,
Maybe it lasted an hour,
But somehow it will never end.
In a very unusual way, i think I’m in love with you.
In a very unusual way, i want to cry.
Something inside me goes weak, something inside me
surrenders,
And you’re the reason why,
You’re the reason why.
You don’t know what you do to me.
You don’t have a clue.
You can’t tell what it’s like to be me looking at
you.
It scares me so that i can hardly speak.
In a very unusual way, i owe what i am to you.
Though at times it appears i won’t stay,
I never go.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that i met you.
How could i ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?
In a very unusual way, you’ve made me whole.



Go see it. Really.

Santa came, Scrooge jumped on his bed, I'm five pounds heavier so who's gonna eat this cheese ball?

So Christmas came and went. It was a pretty fabulous one! I got to spend it with all the people I love best in the world, which made me so deliriously happy! (Of course, it could have been all the sugar.)
I got some pretty sweet gifts, too. Jesse got me a couple movies, including Sex and the City and DeLovely (which we actually got for each other, so we did the old exchange today), and a book on the Crusades and, best of all, a hookah! YAY! We smoked it last night. He also loved my presents to him, which I was glad about. I love shopping for people and so I was so happy I actually had a job this year and was able to afford gifts for all my closest friends and family! Hooray!
I watched a ton of holiday movies that I hadn't seen before this year, including "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation", which was funny but not a classic like "A Christmas Story."
Now there's just a few parties left...here's hoping somebody kisses me on New Year's!

This is not my office!

My GOODNESS it's been a long time. Halloween came and went, and what a fun evening that was. I went as Amber Sweet from "Repo! The Genetic Opera."
And then there was Thanksgiving. Now, I've always been a huge fan of the holdidays. Family and old friends gathering, the decorations and the warmth and the food (oh, the food.) I've had many good and memorable Thanksgivings in my 23 years.
This one topped them all.
First of all, I have someone to take to my family's Thanksgiving festivities for the first time ever. My family adores him, which makes me happier than you could possibly imagine. Or maybe you can, I don't know. In any case, it's great to be in love around the holidays. Secondly, I was able to go to a lot of events. My dad's side has the lefsa party, my step-mom's has the night before Thanksgiving feast, the Barnetts have football and Thanksgiving lunch, and the Hansons have a dinner. I unfortunately had to miss Jesse's family party for work, but all in all I felt pretty good about being able to attend all those parties. I also got to hang with my cousin Liva. The Siufanuas (my Samoan cousins) used to come around for Thanksgiving every year, but then the families got too big and so we started having to have separate parties. But Liva and her mom came this year, so it was like old times!
A lot of good things have happened this year. My mom was married in March, Andrea was married in April and is now expecting her first child, a boy. And Heidi got engaged.
Some of you know about Heidi's estrangement from my dad. They don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and there has been a lot of baggage in the past. I didn't ever really expect Heidi to come around and want my dad to be a part of her life. I still hoped for it and prayed for it, but I had accepted that it might never happen. When Heidi was engaged, after my initial happiness for her, my next emotion was an overwhelming sadness that my dad wouldn't be involved in her wedding.
To my surprise, in the weeks that followed, I observed Heidi calling my dad to tell him of her engagement, sending wedding announcements to my dad and his entire family, and, miracle of miracles, she showed up at the Hanson Thanksgiving dinner.
I couldn't believe it. There she was, standing in the kitchen with her fiance Andrew, chatting with everybody like nothing had happened. I must admit I got a little more than teary and had to excuse myself to go cry in the study like a civilized human being. She and Andrew stayed for a while, making jokes and singing some Beatles songs on the karaoke machine. I was so happy.
Best Thanksgiving EVER!

So Jim Is My Friend....

So I started watching The Office a little over two years ago. I hadn't been with it from the beginning, and I actually started watching the second season on DVD. Of course I loved it. I had heard it quoted and talked about before, and I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of humor--though sometimes uncomfortable--that I saw.
Lately, the show has been a bit different. I still laugh, I still like the episodes (Pam and Jim's wedding), but it doesn't seem to have the same caliber as the old Office. Pam has gained more confidence and no longer plays the scared little mouse afraid of what she really wants, and I'm not sure if I like the transformation. Michael is also gaining some maturity and isn't quite as horrifically difficult to watch, therefore I'm not as grabbed. I don't know quite what it is that has changed the general flavor, but something is different.
However, I just watched the Halloween episode of the show wherein Michael falls into the Koi pond. It was very entertaining. I laughed a lot and I kept thinking, "this is great writing." It was like the old days. Andy was weird, Pam was unsure, Michael was awkward, Dwight ranted about Jim, Creed said something completely off-hand and bizarre, Meredith provided evidence yet again that she is a disaster, and Angela ate like a squirrel. It was fabulous.
Bravo, Office. Bravo.

It's a....rock.

RANT OF THE DAY:

Unless you are a professional photographer or at least a monkey with a nice camera and an interest in photography, NEVER TAKE PICTURES OF NATURE UNLESS THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THEM. I'm sick of going through your photo albums only to see a million pictures of rocks, trees, mountains, flowers, etc. with bad lighting, blurry images and not a person to be seen.

That is all.

The sun is chirping, the birds are shining, the water's wet, and life's good, baby. Or so they say.

The trouble with getting what you want is exactly what one might think the trouble might be.

We are ruined, not by what we really want, but by what we think we do; therefore never go abroad in search of your wants; if they be real wants, they will come home in search of you; for he that buys what he does not want, will soon want what he cannot buy.

It is not from nature, but from education and habits, that our wants are chiefly derived.

Modern man lives under the illusion that he knows what he wants, while he actually wants what he is supposed to want.

Do you ever feel trapped in a tiny box? A tiny, little box with no windows and the walls are closing in?

Craving, not having, is the mother of a reckless giving of oneself.

I am hopelessly and irrevocably reckless, I suppose.

My Horizontal Blog.

Hello, peoples.

So it's October. And the weather is LETTING US KNOW IT. Much to my chagrin. October does mean some fun things: Halloween, football, crisp, clear air that smells like sweet decay...

I HATE winter.

Anyway, this means I have a lot of time to sit inside and read stuff. I finally got my Salt Lake City Library card! And that means books, movies, and cds galore! Huzzah! So I just finished "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands," by Chelsea Handler. She is hysterical. I've always enjoyed her various shows. She is a talented comedienne and apparently an even more talented author. Her memoir is spun with humor, heart, and colorful prose.

Next I hope to read Carrie Fisher's memoir, "Wishful Drinking." The cover made me laugh: Carrie in her Princess Leia costume, her hand clutching a spilling martini, a bottle of pills strewn before her. Awesome.

I also checked out a bunch of flicks, some I'd seen, some I have been meaning to watch forever.

"Say Anything." Though I knew of the "classic" status of this John Cusack film, (the one where he holds a boom box over his head as it plays "In Your Eyes) I had no idea how good it is. I expected a John Hughes teen comedy, not a drama about finding and losing love, young people experiencing their first adult relationship and figuring out what the "real world" means. It was touching, funny, and you gotta love John-John.

"Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex (But Were Afraid To Ask.)" Once again, I watch a Woody Allen hoping I'll finally develop a taste for the legendary film maker, and once again all I have to say is a big fat MEH. I mean, parts of it were funny, it was a good concept, but it just came short. Pun intended.

"Hamlet 2." Ok, this was brilliant. A film about a struggling actor who becomes a high school drama teacher to "pay the bills." He really is terrible. I won't give away too many plot points because it's definitely worth seeing, but some key phrases for your enjoyment are as follows: "time machine," "ovulation," "raped in the face," and, last but not least, "Rock me sexy Jesus."

"The Road to Zanzibar." I was raised on this series of movies starring Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Dorothy Lamour. Though all the films have the same plot, (Bob is funny and Bing gets the girl) they are always enjoyable.

"Saturday Nigh Live: The Best of Will Ferrell." Yes, I've seen it a million times. Yes, it keeps getting funnier every time I see it. Favorites are "Harry Caray," "Lovahs," "Cowbell," and "Celebrity Jeopardy." If you haven't seen this, go out and rent it, sinner.

All I have to say is, outside it may be raining, but in here it's entertaining! (Thank heaven for libraries.)

Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner.

Today an American legend died. I remember when I first discovered Patrick Swayze. He was in a movie called "Three Wishes," a movie about an angel (Swayze), who visits a family with a woman whose husband has disappeared in the war and her two sons. His performance was warm and funny and sexy and genuine, and, though I was only about twelve years old, I was in love.
From then on I was a huge fan. Though perhaps not the most talented actor, I admired Swayze for his ability to portray real emotion in whatever he did. One of his best performances, in my opinion, was when he portrayed Vida Boheme in "To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar," the role for which he was nominated for a Golden Globe for Best Actor. He's usually such a manly man but he played a drag queen with grace and true elegance. It takes a real man to do justice to a role of that nature. Patrick Swayze has always seemed like one of the good guys. That's why I like him so much. That, and he's always been sexy as hell. He also had other talents, including songwriting, singing, and dancing.

So, to celebrate the life of one of my very favorite actors, here are my favorite quotes from some of his films:


"Nobody puts baby in a corner."
-Johnny Castle, Dirty Dancing.

This one is a classic. Famous not only for the movie it was in, but for the feeling behind it. Johnny comes and rescues Baby (Jennifer Grey) from spending the final night at the club sitting at a table with her parents. He then takes her by the hand and leads her onstage, where they share a memorable and now legendary dance.


"Adios, amigo!"
-Bodhi, Point Break.

Yes, it was Patrick Swayze who coined this immortal phrase. It's now used almost as much as "Hasta la vista, baby."

"Some men need to be hit back."
-Vida Boheme, To Wong Foo

Vida confronts the husband of the woman he and the other queens are staying with because he continues to abuse and belittle her. He delivers the line with power and then kicks the crap out of the guy. It's awesome.

"Ditto."
-Sam, Ghost.

It means "I love you too." Beautiful.

"You know, pumpkins--sometimes it just takes a fairy."
-Vida Boheme, To Wong Foo.

Vida and the other queens help the other women in the small town to discover their femininity and the men to appreciate it.

"It's amazing, Molly. The love inside--you take it with you."
-Sam, Ghost

One of the most powerful moments of the film. Sam's soul can finally leave its earthly plane and go to heaven, but before he leaves he takes one last look at the love of his life, comforting her and telling her he loves her while she stands in breathless awe, tears running down her face.

Goodbye, Patrick. You will be missed.

When Humor Goes, There Goes Civilization.

"Improvisation is the expression of the accumulated yearnings, dreams, and wisdom of the soul."
--- Yehudi Menuhin

Let's talk for a moment about Improv Comedy. I recently performed in my third show at the Off Broadway Theater as part of Laughing Stock, Utah's longest running improv troupe. Though I'm still wet behind the ears, I've received positive feedback from my fellow actors and I feel like I've made a pretty good start. Like anything else in show biz, the best way to learn anything is by doing, and with improv that's pretty much your only option. You learn a few rules, you may practice a bit in High School, but then you shove out and get on that stage with only your wits to save you. There's nothing more terrifying or rewarding in the world.
Eberhard Scheiffele, a psychologist in the field of human consciousness, has studied the altered state of consciousness that actors, in particular improvisational actors, experience. According to other studies, acting is seen as altering most of the 14 dimensions of changed subjective experience which characterize ASCs namely: attention, perception, imagery and fantasy, inner speech, memory, higher-level thought processes, meaning or significance of experiences, time experience, emotional feeling and expression, level of arousal, self-control, suggestibility, body image, and sense of personal identity.
Improvisation is, in my opinion, the most organic and pure form of acting. You learn to alter your own perceptions in order to enhance your performance and work with other people. For the skilled improviser,time slows down rather like in The Matrix. They see a palette of possibilities in front of them and make instant connections, using what they have.

So what are these cardinal rules of improvisational acting that you mentioned earlier, you might ask. Well, here they are, as David Alger wrote them and as I learned them back as an impressionable lass of 15.

1) Say Yes-and!

For a story to be built, whether it is short form or long form, the players have to agree to the basic situation and set-up. The who, what, and where have to be developed for a scene to work.

2) After the `and` add new information.

An improvised scene can't move forward or advance unless we add new information. That is why new information is added after the Yes of Yes-and!

3) Don't Block.

The opposite of saying yes-and is blocking or denial.

4) Avoid Questions.

A form of blocking (in its more subtle form) is asking questions. Questions force our partners to fill in the information or do the work. It is a way of avoiding committing to a choice or a detail. It is playing it safe. However, on more advanced levels, questions can be used to add information or tell your partner the direction to go in.

5) Focus on the Here and Now.

Another useful rule is to keep the focus on the here and now. A scene is about the people in the scene. The change, the struggle, the win or loss will happen to the characters on the stage. Focus on what is going on right this at this moment.

6) Establish the Location!

Good scenes take place somewhere and at sometime. They do not take place on an empty stage. A location can easily be established in one or two lines without breaking the scene.

7) Be Specific- Provide Details!

Details are the lifeblood of moving a scene forward. Each detail provides clues to what is important. Details help provide beat objectives and flesh out characters.

8) Change, Change, Change!

Improv is about character change. The characters in a scene must experience some type of change for the scene to be interesting. Characters need to go on journeys, be altered by revelations, experience the ramifications of their choices and be moved by emotional moments.

9) For serious and emotional scenes, focus on characters and relationships.

A long form improv set should contain a variety of scenes. Some scenes will be emotional, some will be tense, and some should be funny. The easiest way to make a scene serious is by focusing on the relationship of those on the stage (their characters).

10) For humor, commit and take choices to the nth degree or focus on actions/objects.

A good long form set is balanced. Shakespeare knew that too much pathos was wearing on the audience; hence, he had minor characters in humorous scenes such as the drunken porter in MacBeth.

And there you have it. Awesome conclusion, eh?

Sigh.

"When you have once seen the glow of happiness on the face of a beloved person, you know that a man can have no vocation but to awaken that light on the faces surrounding him; and you are torn by the thought of the unhappiness and night you cast, by the mere fact of living, in the hearts you encounter."

-Albert Camus

"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."

-Allan K. Chalmers

"I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever."

-Amy Tan

"Have I told you how happy I am?"

-Elise Hanson

The Art of Seduction.

I recently read Robert Greene's book, "The Art of Seduction." I now think that everyone should read this book. It's probably the best thing to come out on manipulation for one's own social and political climbing since "How To Win Friends and Influence People." I love it. Read it. You'll be glad you did. Especially you single folks out there.

Boulders, Bugs, and Buffoonery

I went on vacation with my family this last week to Central/Southern Utah. The five of us--myself, my dad, my stepmom Sheila, Marjaan, and Anthony--piled in the truck and drove to Boulder Utah.
Boulder is an unusual place. It's surrounded by a dense forest inhabited by wild deer and even wilder cows. But once you pull into Boulder you're surrounded by canyon lands. We stayed in a little motel called Pole's Place. It was named after the owner's pa, Eugene Napolean Bonaparte Griffin.
We went to a restaraunt in town for dinner, where, as soon as we walked in, my sister and I couldn't help but notice the beautiful host behind the counter. He was dark and exotic, with bright turquoise eyes. My family has a habit of making friends with servers when we go out to eat, and we soon learned he was from Istanbul. My brother and sister spoke a little Arabic with him, and we spent a lot of the drive the next day debating why on earth a man from Istanbul would end up in Boulder Utah.
That brings me to my next topic: my family is pretty good at coming up with our own entertainment. That's why trips to Central Utah are perfect for us. Low cost, lots of opportunity for creating our own adventure, and of course, time to spend together, making fun of each other, acting crazy, and being stupid.
My little brother, at one point, picked up a bug (I have no idea what it was,) put it on a stick, and carried it around on our long walk to the only grocery store in town, which was, of course, closed. He named the bug Jeremy and thus began our list; The Top Ten Reasons You Belong In Boulder, Utah. They're all mostly inside jokes, but hopefully they're still amusing.

10- You become attached to a bug-on-a-stick.
9-You make up songs about local cuisine.
8-You think hiking upstream in a river sounds like a fun Friday activity.
7-You derive endless entertainment from watching an entire town drive by at 55 miles per hour while you're parked on the side of the highway.
6-You like to stick french fries in your ears and other people's toes.
5-You make noises that will one day cause others to ban you from polite society.
4-Upon finding yourself in Lake Powell, you then proceed to break apart the sandstone and smear it all over your face and arms. (That one belongs to me.)
3-You have tasted both Pickle and Pinto Bean Pie.
2-You have to wash your hair with soap.
1-You vacation there. For fun.

Yes, my family did all of this and more on our trip. Crazy hikes, long drives, animal harrassments, film festivals, and all-around tom foolery.

I love us.

It's just a fond farewell to a friend.

The litebrite's now black and white
Cause you took apart a picture that wasn't right
Pitch burning on a shining sheet
The only maker that you'd want to meet
The dying man in a living room
Who's shadow paces the floor
Who'll take you out in the open door
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
He said really I just wanna dance
Good and evil matched perfect it's a great romance
I can deal with some physic pain
If it'll slow down my higher brain
Veins full of disappearing ink
Vomiting in the kitchen sink
Disconnecting from the missing link
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
I see you're leaving me and taking up with the enemy
The cold comfort of the in between
A little less than a human being
A little less than a happy high
A little less than a suicide
The only things that you really tried
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
Who couldn't get things right
Fond farewell to a friend
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend



I love that song. It makes me sad. In a good way.

Goodbye, my friends. I will miss your faces.

I love you Dain, Whitney, and Greg.

Uncertainty.

My thought, whose murder yet is but fantastical, shakes so my single state of man that function is smothered in surmise and nothing is but what is not.

-The Bard.

I don't know where to go from here.

-Me.

A Friend Like Ben.

I would just like to take a moment to remember the artist Michael Jackson. He died on June 25th, 2009.
I've been a fan of Michael's since I was a little girl. My mom loved his upbeat music and incomparable dancing style, so she would put on a tape and we would all dance in our apartment. I loved his unique voice and his style, and later gained an appreciation for just how talented a performer he was. I would watch his music videos like "Thriller," "Billy Jean," and "Black and White," and marvel at his abilities. You watch "Thriller" and his background dancers, all professional, simply can't compare to Michael. He sparkles. I could watch him dance for hours.
When he died, the first thing I felt was disappointment. I had made it one of my life goals to see Michael in concert, but now I'd never get a chance. I'm hoping there'll be a comeback tour in the next life.;)
My favorite song of Michael's, one that has always touched my heart, is "Ben." I think the lyrics are sweet and the melody is a little bit sad. I've been listening to it a lot since he passed.

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you, my friend, will see
You've got a friend in me
(you've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's one thing you should know
You've got a place to go
(you've got a place to go)

I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
I used to say "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
Ben, most people would turn you away
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(a friend) Like Ben
(like Ben) Like Ben


Goodbye, Michael. You will be missed.

Tick..Tick...Tick...BOOM!

SOOKIE: Well, come on, what are we celebrating?

LORELAI: Well, you ready?

SOOKIE: Yeah.

JACKSON: Definitely!

LORELAI: The Independence Inn is closing.

JACKSON: Yay!

SOOKIE: Yay! The inn is closing.

LORELAI: Not closing, closed. We're finished. It's all over. They're boarding the place up as we speak. Who wants more?

JACKSON: Well, did they find some gold in the basement or something 'cause I'm missing the celebrating angle.

LORELAI: You should always celebrate new challenges, and that's what this is.

SOOKIE: A new challenge.

LORELAI: Yes. They'll be some severance pay, then nothing.

SOOKIE: Nothing!

LORELAI: Nothing but exciting new challenges. Cheers!

SOOKIE: The inn is closed.

JACKSON: Well, I guess this means that you guys can focus solely on refurbishing the Dragonfly, getting that up and running. That's exciting.

SOOKIE: Yes, it is.

LORELAI: Yeah, I agree. But just drink some more. How're you feeling?

SOOKIE: A little drunk, and all I'm drinking is apple juice.

LORELAI: Well, good, 'cause I've got another little piece of news for you. We can't buy the Dragonfly because I can't swing my share of the money because I no longer have a steady income.

JACKSON: Wow, that is great.

SOOKIE: I'm sorry, was that an exciting challenge too?

LORELAI: Absolutely. Yesterday our lives were boring and predictable. We had jobs, we were gonna start our own business. But now everything is wide open. We can do anything we want because we're not penned in. That's good.

SOOKIE: Yes, that's good. And thinking of those new challenges is a nice way to distract me from the fact that we don't work together anymore so we're gonna see way less of each other.

LORELAI: Which will make our limited time together more enjoyable.

JACKSON: Right. And since I'm your vegetable supplier, I'm losing work, and seeing my wife and close friend way less than before.

LORELAI: Cheers!



Yep...exciting new challenges, folks. Break out the champagne! We're in unpredictability-ville now. Entering th realms of foggy guesswork and stepping blindly into the unknown...

BAH!!!

So it's been a long time. Apparently Safari takes a while to get used to certain webpages, because it wasn't letting me sign on to Blogspot or Myspace for a while. So I'm finally here, updating.

So the highlights of what has happened lately: I made it into Utahoma and we are now getting into the last weeks of rehearsal. We open June 12th and I'm pretty excited. I didn't get a lead in this one, but my part is still pretty fun. It's an excellent parody with lots of laughs and energetic dance numbers.

I also made it into Pirates of Penzance, which means I can cross another thing off the old life list! I've wanted to be in Pirates since I was a wee little lass of ten, when I saw my uncle Hugh in it at Rodgers Memorial Theater and fell instantly in love. To this day I get a kick out of the rioutous humor, the clever and well-crafted lyrics, and the gorgeous music. It's in my top three favorite musicals of all time. Gilbert and Sullivan really knew what they were doing. From what I can tell about the cast so far, we've got a pretty good bunch. The guy who is playing Frederic sounds almost exactly like Rex Smith, which is a huge plus for me since Rex Smith is my favorite tenor to ever have graced the world of musical theater. Our Mabel is also excellent, and I have a few friends in the cast like Mike Brown, Sara Higgins, Erin Saunders, and Jake Miskimins.

I lost use of my phone, which is sad. My family took it off the plan without warning me so for the moment Justin has been kind enough to let me use his old line until I figure something out. Sheesh.

I've been losing a lot of weight, what with being on the "no food, bike and walk everywhere diet." It is excellent.

Last night I was able to hang out with one of my absolute favorite people in the world, Stephen Marshall. He just got back from his mission to California. I love him, love him, love him! It was the best! Like old times. We drove in his car and listened to good music with the windows down. You know how certain times have certain smells? Maybe it's just a me thing, but the smell of that night was familiar, comforting. Like a feeling that hovered in the air, clinging to the friendship that we had left off two summers ago...

I've written a play that is a parody of all the John Hughes movies in the style of the Off Broadway Theater. I'm still working out some things like character and plot, but I'm enjoying myself. It's nice to get back in the swing of things.

My Mantra

The most important thing I will ever teach my children is this:
"Love first, judge never."

It's a phrase I've found myself using more and more frequently, and one I have strived to live by. I think it's one of the most important and underused philosophies around.

The other night I was pleased to hear a woman in my play (a very LDS lady at that) say that she believed the same way. She said she would rather her children go out drinking and having pre-marital sex than be close-minded and judgemental. She said that she couldn't believe how many people, particularly within the LDS church, did not follow that particular principle of the gospel, which is simply to never, ever judge. It was very refreshing to hear that point of view from a member of the church. In a way, it gave me hope.

Nessun Dorma

I just wanted to take a moment to pay homage to what I consider to be one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever written, "Nessun Dorma," from the opera Turandot. I first heard it sung by Luciano Pavoratti when I was about eight years old, and have been in love with it ever since. And since my computer is being ridiculous, you'll just have to copy and paste, but believe me, it's worth it. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOfC9LfR3PI

It's Britney, Bitch.

"Love me, hate me, say what you want about me,
But all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy."

This clever, hidden-meaning lyric is just one of the fantastic things you can expect from the new and improved Ms. Spears.

Like most people in the free world, I have known about Britney from "Baby, One More Time," all the way up to "Womanizer." Though, in my younger days, I found great amusement in making fun of the over-sexed pop princess, I could not deny that she had style. But it wasn't until I heard such songs as "Everytime" and "Toxic" that I really began to like her. She had a quality all her own that had earned her hit after hit, pushing her further and faster into the stratosphere of fame, fortune, and microscopic scrutiny.

Over the past year, with all the crazy behavior and bad publicity, I felt pity more than anything. Here was a woman who was losing control, losing faith, losing her personal battles, and we all found entertainment in it for a time, but after a while I just wanted everyone to leave her alone. I did, however, think that we'd seen the last of the Britney we knew.

Then "Womanizer" came out and I thought, you go girl. The song was her first number one single since "Baby One More Time," nearly ten years previous, and proved that Britney could not only make a comeback, but that she was coming back on top.

Over the last few months, I've enjoyed her new songs, retro-futurism hits like "If U Seek Amy" and "Circus" to the beautiful, moving ballads, "Unusual You," "Out From Under," and "My Baby."

I had heard fantastic things about her tour, The Circus: Starring Britney Spears, and really wanted to go. Britney Spears is like a circus unto herself; you go for the spectacle, you go because it will be entertainment, but mostly you go because it's BRITNEY SPEARS.

Still, I didn't think I would have the chance to go until, on Sunday night, my dad called our cousin Stan, a professional scalper, and got tickets. I immediately switched my counter-part in Charley's Aunt, Shannon, so that I could go on Tuesday.

When we got to the Will-Call desk, we found out that there was something wrong with our nosebleed seats. We went to the "Ticket Problems" desk, where they informed us that our seats didn't actually exist anymore, as the stage had needed to be expanded, so she gave us General Admission tickets instead. We were put right up against the stage.

First came the Pussycat Dolls, whom I have always rather liked. Their songs are catchy, their voices good, and they represent the strong, sexy feminine type of woman that us girls can admire. They sang their top hits, including "Doncha" and "Jai Ho," while performing choregraphed danced moves that took them all over the stage. Their voices were live, and even bigger in the theater staging than over the radio. They were also extremely beautiful up close.

When their show ended, there was a short break in which circus performers, i.e. clowns, jugglers, acrobats, and dancers came out to entertain. It was actually quite a fun show in itself, like being at an actual circus, with stunts that made you nervous and men and women with perfects bodies and very little clothing.

The stage, in the meantime, was being set up to look like a three ring circus, complete with a red curtain in the center on a giant screen.

Finally, the show started. Perez Hilton came onto the screen, parodying Elizabeth I and introducing the spectacle that was to be Britney's circus. As the screen rose over the stage, Britney descended on a platform, wearing a ringmaster outfit. The noise was deafening. I screamed along with the rest of them; you couldn't help it, she inspires that sort of thing. Her presence, just standing there, was electric. She began "Circus," during which she danced all around the stage with a team of some of the most incredible and sexy dancers I've ever seen, some of which couldn't have been older than seventeen. At the end of the song, a flawless costume change and a gold cage were brought out, in which she did "Piece of Me" surrounded by men in GIMP outfits. For the first time, she came right to the edge of the stage where I stood.

There is just one word to describe Britney up-close: radiant. She was every bit as beautiful as she appears on screen, if not more so, with gold skin and hair, and a smile that is infectious and personable, almost as if she can't believe you're there watching her. She looked as though she might giggle at any moment, which is 90% of her charm and charisma.

The show continued in segments with circus-oriented themes such as, "Welcome to the Cirus," "House of Fun," "Freakshow/Peepshow," "Electro-Circ," and the Finale. Each was masterfully segued into the next, complete with costume changes for the entire cast, set changes, and magic tricks that sent the performers to different sides of the stage at any moment. Also performing was magician Ed Alonzo, who did different things such as cutting Britney in half and vanishing her as she sang "Ooh, Ooh, Baby."

There were also such fun things as a Bollywood-inspired "Me Against the Music" and a martial arts dance to "Gimme More."

Through it all, one couldn't help but be caught up in the sexy, fantastic, alluring spectacle of it all. I was in awe of Britney's ability to hold it all together in her dazzling performance as she danced, sang, and captivated.

The girl knows how to entertain.

The show ended with "Baby, One More Time," and "Womanizer," and she and her cast gave a bow as confetti showered the audience.

I think I'm a Britney fan now.

Sadie, Sadie, married lady.

So it happened. Last night my little sister became Mrs. James Jordan Phillips.

The day was relaxed enough to begin with. We had a bridesmaid sleepover the night before, wherein we watched P.S. I Love You, a sweet and sad little movie about a woman (Hilary Swank) who loses the love of her life, played wonderfully by Gerard Butler, to cancer. I cried about twelve times during the course of it. We also painted our nails all matching pink, then organized her wedding playlist. (I will talk more about that later.)

In the morning we went to Lace by Louise and got Andrea some fun wedding night lingerie, complete with corset and garter belt. Fantastic. Then Marjaan and I went to Target to get stuff to decorate Annie's car with. (Whipped cream, Oreo's, and condoms.)

Later that day, as we all rushed to get ready, Jordan came over with his friend Dylan and took me to help him get stuff to decorate the hotel room where they'd be staying their first night as a married couple. We got all the cliche items: rose petals, candles, chocolates, and a bottle of Martinelli's sparkling cider, after which we drove to the hotel and pranced about like little fairies, sprinkling the room with our purchases.

That's when the real rush began. I ran home, hurriedly scribbling down my Maid of Honor speech, which contained mostly jokes, and slapping makeup on my face. Once we were ready, we checked and double checked to make sure we had everything. The one major delay happened when we couldn't find Andrea's car keys. Turns out they were in the jacket pocket that her husband-to-be had supposedly checked and double checked.

Then it was off to the races.

Noah's reception center had been set up for the wedding, with chairs facing the little wooden platform that was to hold the wedding party. Already I was stressed out, first rushing to fix the botched tanning lotion application that a bridesmaid had done all over my sister's chest, arms, and back, then checking to make sure the buoquets were in place and everyone had theirs. I then went over the music with Amy, Heidi's friend, and then rushed off to get my aunt Shari to man the sign-in book while making the decision about when we should start the DVD of Andrea and Jordan's pictures. I then gathered the bridesmaids for photos, ran back to check on the music status, saw the best man sans his tux, which had been left at the house so I gave him the key to the garage, ran upstairs to where my sister was to inform her that my aunt had just cut up the last bridesmaid's bouquet for the cake, not knowing that it was intended for our cousin Liva, who would arrive late, so we had to split up some of the other bouquets to accomodate for the mistake.

Five minutes to the ceremony, the best man/the emcee arrived, finally in his tux. I gave him instructions in hurried tones, then practically had to push the groomsmen and bridesmaids into position. At the last minute my uncle Mark showed up, and I grabbed his hand, dragging him to the back of the room where I shoved a video camera in his hands and told him he would be taping the ceremony, then ran upstairs, telling Amy, in passing, that she should wait until everyone sat down and was quiet, and then start the music.

Eventually the crowd got the hint and sat down. The music started and we all walked down the stairs and down the aisle. I think we were all so stressed that we walked too fast, but that's ok. Then came the bride. She walked arm in arm with my dad, looking radiant. The song was "Annie's Smile," and I could see the tears in my dad's eyes as he gave her away.

The pastor spoke about love, friendship, and accepting that marriage could change a person in ways they don't expect. As I looked at Andrea and the tall, kind man standing beside her, I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming love in the room. For a moment I forgot everything I still had to do, and let the tears come as I watched my baby sister make vows for lifelong love.

The one little mishap occurred when my cousin Megan, the flower girl, fainted. She had locked her knees, but luckily my cousin Liva caught her before she fell and she revived quickly, her dad whisking her to her seat. My dad noticed that someone must have told my cousin Weston, the ring bearer, not to lock his knees after that, because he started doing a funny little knee-bending dance.

After the ceremony, we exited the stage to "I Believe in a Thing Called Love." Food was served while I ran over to the piano to play some of Andrea's favorite Broadway songs. Of course this was the moment when everyone in the world decided to come say hi to me...let me tell ya, playing and talking at the same time isn't as easy as it sounds.

Then it was time for speeches, and Michael Riquino and I took the stage. Michael started his speech with a re-working of Jordan's favorite quote, the Fifth of November poem.

I then got to speak, and my jokes made people laugh. Michael then announced the daddy daughter dance, and I ran back to the music station to make sure they had the right song. Andrea and my dad took the floor, dancing to my dad singing "Lullaby" by Billy Joel. I asked my stepdad to dance, and Heidi asked my mom's husband David. I laughed when I saw my grandpa Hanson, because he had grabbed both his daughters, Becky and Jane, and they were all dancing together. It was cute.

After that the dancing continued for a bit. I slow danced with Michael to "Come What May," and we made my sister Marjaan laugh with our singing. After that I felt it my personal responsibility to keep people dancing, since I'm good at that sort of thing. Mid-dancing, we tossed the bouquet, garter, and cut the cake. My mom was complaining that she missed the bouquet toss because she was talking, and so in the seconds before the cake-cutting, I saw her on the opposite side of the room, her back turned, so I ran (mind you, all this running was in heels) to the other side of the room, skidded into her back, said "they're cutting the cake," into her ear, then ran back so that I didn't miss it myself.

Then the dancing continued. Now onto my discussion of the playlist. I have hosted many parties, and have been to many weddings and dances. I know people. The night before the wedding, my sister was trying to stick a whole bunch of slow songs that meant something to her and Jordan onto the playlist. I discouraged this, saying that people wouldn't dance to those because most likely, there wouldn't be enough people to pair up. I told her two slow songs was plenty. Of course, she wouldn't budge. But what ended up happening was that the slow songs were acting like a disease, sending people off the dance floor as if it was leprous. I then, for the rest of the night, had to run back and forth from the music station to pick crowd-pleasing songs (the ones I put on the list, basically) to the dance floor to keep folks dancing. All in all, I did a pretty excellent job, but it was far too tiring. My feet were red, hot, and swollen by the end of the night. Lesson to be learned: always listen to me, because when it comes to people, I'm always right.

One funny moment happened when I turned on Bohemian Rhapsody. My dad said, "you can't dance to this," but I explained to him, in a hurry, that this generation loves a song you can stand around and sing dramatically to as much as the ones you can dance to. He watched as we stood in a circle, singing dramatically, laughing his head off.

After "Rhapsody," I raced outside to decorate Annie's car with Marjaan, Anthony, and Marjaan's friend Alex. We had a good time. I then ran inside to help Andrea with her corset and garter along with Heidi and Marjaan. We then slipped her dress over her head and she and Jordan were on their way. Pictures were taken, hugs were given, and I laughed as I turned around and saw my mom standing in a line with her two ex-husbands and her current husband, David. It's moments like that that just make you smile a little.

We cleaned up the reception hall a bit, and then went home, unloading the hundreds of strawberries, cream puffs, and nuts into our house, and then Marjaan, Anthony, Alex, and I went into my sister's apartment, cleaning it, putting her gifts away, and decorating it so that it would be ready upon their return in the morning.



Finally, at eleven o'clock at night, I could breathe. I ate for the first time that day and watched Sex and the City, the movie in my jammies. It was nice.

No more numbers, please.

Last night I had a nightmare about math. That is how much I loathe it. I saw the numbers in front of me and immediately felt nauseated. I also felt confused and trapped; why had the page appeared before me? What diabolical genius had plotted my demise in such a horrific manner? Who would save me from this torment? It was quite an uncomfortable feeling. I started struggling through the problems, trying to remember what on earth I had last learned in high school, which hadn't been much--Mrs. Sadler had been my teacher and I had been sitting next to my two friends Andrew and Stephen....needless to say, my senior year of math was basically a joke.
It's not that I don't understand math. I just hate it to the core of my being. I'm actually decent at it. But my will to not do it is so very strong.

If there is a paper to be written, I'm there. A play to direct, put me in charge. A novel to create, I jump at the chance. These are challenges that appeal to me. But ask me to explore the complexities of a logarithm, and I shut off.

My dream came to a happy conclusion when my friend Dain took the paper away from me, saying he would do it.

So, ah, the point of the dream emerges.

I'm going to miss my friend Dain. He is the one friend who, it seems, has always been home. Or, at least, what I consider home: Bountiful Utah. He's been my friend since high school and I hope he will be my friend for many years to come.

That's another thing about me. I am a sentimental old coot. Since high school, I have made many new friends, of course. But the friends that have always meant the most to me are the friends I've had since good ol' Woods Cross High. They are the friends I hang with, eat with, travel with. The friends whose couches I have crashed on, whose kitchens I know like my own, whose toilets I've had arguments with. (Whitney, that's for you.) They are the people who tell me to wear sunscreen, who make sure I'm properly hydrated, who hand out food assignments for our next get-togethers. They are like family to me.
I frequently go to dinner at my friend Whitney's, and it's always a good time. I'd been telling my mom about all of our dinners, and she said, "You know, Elise, I think that you might just have lifelong friends in these people." I like that idea. I like the notion of people you know and care about all your life, not because you're obligated to by blood or legal ties, but because you enjoy each other's company so much that you just can't seem to get rid of each other. No matter who moves so far away that, if you have a math assignment, you might have to email it to them...

Blog Time!

A few months ago I decided I finally wanted to start doing this, so here goes. It's taken me a while to actually create a blog, which makes no sense at all, since it's brainlessly easy. Which I liked. I remember back in the day when creating a blog seemed like trying to learn Finnish. Well, perhaps not as hard as that, but you get my meaning.

I'm currently in a show at Rodgers Memorial Theater in Centerville Utah. I'm so excited to be there. Rodgers, like most theaters in Utah, is one of those places where you basically need to be somebody's neice to get in. Needless to say I had tried for ages without any results. Then a couple months ago I saw they were auditioning for Charley's Aunt, a show I had seen at Hale and absolutely loved. I figured I'd audition, just for the heck of it, but then the day of the audition came and I had rehearsal for my other show at the Off Broadway. Not wishing to use gas or miss rehearsal, I ditched the audition.

Much to my surprise, I received a call a week later from one of the producers, who said they would love to have me come to callbacks to read for a part. I was rather pleased. So I went in that week, read for Kitty, a sarcastic and playful young woman of whom one of the college gents, Jack, is rather fond. I liked her character right away because she reminded me of me and because playing her would present a bit of a challenge, which is what I'd been craving for months.

Rehearsals started when I was mid-show at Off Broadway, and that was a bit stressful. I missed a lot, but luckily I'm a quick learner and I was able to memorize all my lines and blocking fairly quickly.

There is a level of professionalism at Rodgers, despite their Community Theater status, that I really enjoy. Jan, my director, is very capable, and he directs much in the style that I do, which is nice. He is very organized with notes beforehand and afterward, and he pushes us to exercise our abilities. He also doesn't sweat the small stuff, because he expects us to be able to work most of it out on our own, which is great. It reminds me of college. It's very refreshing.

These last few months have been sort of hectic with planning two weddings. My mom was married on March 20th. Her wedding was not too difficult, however, as she wanted to keep things simple and only invite family. My sisters and I went to her place on the day of the wedding to help her get ready, then drove over to this gorgeous church on Yale Avenue where our relatives helped with the food and setting up. My sisters and I played some stuff on our strings and piano, and my aunt took pictures. All in all it was a fun evening.

My little sister got engaged in February and decided on April 6th for her wedding. She named me maid of honor, and so I got busy planning, researching, inviting, scheduling, etc. I'm very excited. Her fiancee's name is Jordan Phillips and he's a fantastic guy. We're becoming fast friends.

Other than that, I'm still working on finding a job, which is nearly impossible in the current climate. The levels of frustration I've reached are nearing epic proportions, but I have hope that everything will be all right eventually....