All right. All right. Let's get serious here. It's time to talk about some serious stuff. So I need you to put on your serious face. Wipe that cheesy grin off. All right. Here we go.
I hate soggy bread.
Honestly, is there anything more revolting on this planet? There is nothing worse than biting into your favorite sammich only to find that the bread...is...soggy. It's disgusting. It's nauseating. It's awful. Some people say, "just pick it off." No. No. This sandwich does not DESERVE for me to pick it off. This sandwich has failed me. I am breaking up with this sandwich. Goodbye, sandwich. Take your X-box and your crummy cd's and get outta here!
It's funny, our relationship with food. We depend on it. We love it. We can't live without it. But sometimes we HATE it. Bad food can just ruin your whole day, just ruin it!
Food can also help relationships with people. "Oh, man, I hate those guys, but they're makin' dinner, so...Yay!"
It's always kind of exciting, when a guy asks you to dinner, you know. "Ooh, let's go to Olive Garden and have some breadsticks!"
I don't have men who are "just friends." Unless they're gay. I love my gay men. Except when we go out and I all of a sudden find myself standing near a wall while they go after their "catch of the day." That sucks.
So back to relationships. Which is a funny word. It sounds like two people relating to each other on a boat.
I have, in the past, compared different kinds of relationships to different kinds of boats. I would like to do so again.
Paddle boats: The fun kind. You sit side-by-side, paddling away, it requires minimum effort, and is just plain relaxing.
Canoes: These require a little more effort, a little more synchronicity. And then if the canoe tips over, you're in deep...deep water, is what you're in.
Rowboats: Now, rowboats, are fine, as long as you're the one sitting under the parasol while the other person is rowing, maybe sitting there with your picnic basket, eating fried chicken or bon-bons or whatever, but if you're the one paddling, watch out. That is no fun.
Cruise ships: It is my belief that you can only be on cruise ships in relationships that are completely platonic, like a woman and a gay man, because ain't no way that any relationship that involves sex or romance is going to be as easy as floating around on a big-ass boat, listening to live music and gaining 20 pounds from the midnight buffet. Midnight buffet... "Yes, I'd like nine pieces of cheesecake to go with my ravioli and pizza." I went on a cruise with my family when I was 19, and when we left I didn't have hips or an ass, and now look at me!
One thing guys will do, instead of asking you to dinner, is asking you out for coffee. What is that? What is that going to lead to? I'll tell you what it's gonna lead to, it's gonna lead to me taking a dump in your apartment and blaming the smell on your dog.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Holiday Drunks
So... different kinds of things are expected at different holidays. We all have our own traditions. But what about our drinking traditions/expectations?
St. Patrick's Day, for example, usually consists of this kind of drinking:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere.
3-Possibly Survive
Halloween:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere
3-Nail Somebody Dressed As A Pop-Culture Reference
St. Valentine's Day:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere
3-Call Former Partners And Scream The Lyrics To "Private Eyes" At Them.
Christmas:
1-Get Drunk (Or Wish You Were Drunk)
2-Stay In
3-Deal With Family BS With Or Without Liquid Protection
New Year's:
1-Get Drunk
2-BE Somewhere!!!
3-Constantly wonder if what you're doing is fabulous enough to ring in the new year respectably.
St. Patrick's Day, for example, usually consists of this kind of drinking:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere.
3-Possibly Survive
Halloween:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere
3-Nail Somebody Dressed As A Pop-Culture Reference
St. Valentine's Day:
1-Get Drunk
2-Be Somewhere
3-Call Former Partners And Scream The Lyrics To "Private Eyes" At Them.
Christmas:
1-Get Drunk (Or Wish You Were Drunk)
2-Stay In
3-Deal With Family BS With Or Without Liquid Protection
New Year's:
1-Get Drunk
2-BE Somewhere!!!
3-Constantly wonder if what you're doing is fabulous enough to ring in the new year respectably.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Coming Out Day
Blerg, I totally missed "Coming Out" day yesterday! So I'll do it now:
I'M A BISEXUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There, that's done. I actually did come out to Heidi the other day. Because I thought it was about time. I'll come out to my mom and her idiot husband as soon as I feel like talking to them again. (Well, my mom. The only thing I feel like saying to her husband is, "get away from me, shithead.")
Today is a great day. :) For real. I love happy pills.
I'M A BISEXUAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There, that's done. I actually did come out to Heidi the other day. Because I thought it was about time. I'll come out to my mom and her idiot husband as soon as I feel like talking to them again. (Well, my mom. The only thing I feel like saying to her husband is, "get away from me, shithead.")
Today is a great day. :) For real. I love happy pills.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Some Things About Texting: A Rant
1- If you start responding with one word answers, especially if there is no punctuation, I am going to assume that either: A) you don't want to talk to me, or B) you are mad at me for something I did.
2- Even if the text I sent you seems like a mass text or something random, I sent it to you because I want your reaction to it. Yes, I sent it to other people. But I want their reaction, too. I don't just send things to everyone in my phone. I send them to specific people for different reactions. And if you get a mass text from me, this means that I like you and think you are a fun person.
3- I delete as I go, so don't feel bad if I have forgotten what we were talking about.
4- If you don't respond to me, I feel bad and I worry that I have annoyed you in some way. It's better to respond three days later than not at all. I feel happy and relieved to get a response, even if it takes hours or days. I know, it's not your fault that I'm highly sensitive.
5- I get lonely. Text me.
2- Even if the text I sent you seems like a mass text or something random, I sent it to you because I want your reaction to it. Yes, I sent it to other people. But I want their reaction, too. I don't just send things to everyone in my phone. I send them to specific people for different reactions. And if you get a mass text from me, this means that I like you and think you are a fun person.
3- I delete as I go, so don't feel bad if I have forgotten what we were talking about.
4- If you don't respond to me, I feel bad and I worry that I have annoyed you in some way. It's better to respond three days later than not at all. I feel happy and relieved to get a response, even if it takes hours or days. I know, it's not your fault that I'm highly sensitive.
5- I get lonely. Text me.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
"To The Boy Who Lived."
I started reading the popular and acclaimed series "Harry Potter" when I was about twelve years old per my sister Heidi's recommendation. Back then, the first three books were already out. I remember reading them, enthralled, unable to put them down even when we went to Grandma Richards' for dinner. (That would not be the last time I got in trouble for reading Harry when I could have been socializing.) And I wasn't the only one. My mom used to read the books to us, no matter how old we got, as we curled around her, including my step-dad Jim, listening as she read chapter after chapter, begging her to keep going when her voice got tired.
Once I finished the third, it was like I was starving and left without bread as I waited for the fourth. Every wait between books got more and more difficult. In between, all there was to do was discuss the mysteries and intricacies with your friends or go see the movies about 900 times in the theater or at home. When "Goblet of Fire" came out, it was darker. I was 14 or 15, and I remember being slightly scared during the resurrection of Voldemort scene. The dark magic was realistic and well-described. To the nay-sayers who said the book series was evil, this is the one scene, I think, that might stray toward that end. But still to this day, if anyone says anything negative about the series, I get an almost irresistible urge to shove a book up their asses.
"Goblet of Fire" was also the first book in the series to make me cry. Toward the end of Harry and Voldie's duel, the ghosts of Harry's parents come out of the tip of Voldemort's wand, wishing Harry encouragement and telling him how proud they are of him. I remember my mom reading this to us, crying. We were all crying at that point. That's what the books mean most to me. J.K. Rowling weaves her worlds and characters so effectively that you feel as strongly about these people as if they were flesh and blood. The stories are powerful not only because they are about good triumphing over evil, but they are about people, people you get to know and love.
When "The Half-Blood Prince" came out, we were in London ("we" being my dad, Sheila, Andrea, Marjaan, Heidi and I), for the premier. We sat outside on the street as midnight arrived, and we were so wildly enthusiastic that more and more camera crews from different news stations came to interview those "crazy American girls." When we were let in the book shop we, along with hundreds of crazed fans, groped our copies like feverish hounds. We posed as more press took our photos, clutching the books, hardly able to wait until we trotted back to the hotel room. Our dad started reading to us from chapter one, "The Other Minister." Both my parents, I should mention, are extremely good at reading things out loud. For the next few weeks we spent in Europe, all of us would read Harry at night, us girls sometimes reading in secret late at night. (We got in trouble for that one, too.) The book was amazing, my personal favorite in the series, and also, I think, the best. It is very intricate and intelligent, and it never ceases to entertain.
By the time it came to waiting for the seventh, I already had my own theories about how the series was to end. (All of which came true, by the way. I knew what was what.) I remember discussing, arguing, and anticipating with my friends and family. In the meantime there were more movies. They all had their ups and downs, but in general, they were likeable. My favorite still is "Prisoner of Azkaban." I also think that it and "Deathly Hallows: Part One" are the most well-done, though "Hallows" follows the book most faithfully of all of them.
Finally, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" arrived on July 21st, 2007. My closest friends and family all went to the book release at midnight, dressed in our finest Harry Potter attire. (I was Ginny, as my hair was long and red.) Mark, my boyfriend at the time, had just left on his mission and missed the premier, so I, of course, had to lord it over him and gloat to the best of my ability. I went home and started reading the book with my good friends Amy and Colton. We stayed up very late and got very far in the book, but I didn't want to devour it all in one night. It was the last book, I wanted to savor it. (Unlike Amy, who finished it that night. Or rather, early the next morning.) As I said, everything I predicted came true, down to Snape being good, (I knew this because of the one line in "Half-Blood Prince" where Harry is coming after him and Snape simply says, "No, Potter.") and Harry having to die because of the bit of Voldie's soul in him and then coming back to life. The Malfoys ending up on no one's side. Draco having a final confrontation with Harry and Harry having to save his life. Stuff like that. The main thing I was surprised about was Fred's death. I mean, I knew somebody major (besides Snape, whose death ALSO made me cry), had to die, but I didn't think it was him. I remember setting the book down for a second, my heart pounding, my mouth drying up. Not Fred. It was too sad. It wasn't until the scene with his family mourning him that I actually cried, though. Then came one of my favorite moments in the book. The Death eaters had broken in, Neville had killed Sagini, (YAY, Neville!!!!) and the students and faculty of Hogwarts were putting up an heroic fight. At one point, Bellatrix is attacking Ginerva Weasley, Luna, and Hermione, when Mrs. Weasley comes rushing in, yelling, "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" She then kills Bellatrix. I remember my mom reading that out loud, practically screaming the line. (I am now tearing up as I am typing this.) My mom, like Molly, is a kind of mama-lion, protective of her cubs. It was so fierce and brilliant a moment that every time I read it I get chills and the urge to stand up and cheer. There are several of those moments through the series and the final book. She's a talented girl, that JoAnn Kathleen.
But even when I finished the book, at least it wasn't over. There were still movies to look forward to, and fun ones at that. I went to all the midnight showings, dressed up, of course. Going to the premiers with friends has been some of the funnest times. Finally, "Deathly Hallows: Part One" came out. My friends and I went as the villains of the stories. Colton was Draco Malfoy, Amy was Bellatrix Lestrange, Heidi was Delores Umbridge, Whitney was Rodolphus Lestrange, Stacy was Narcissa Malfoy, and I was Severus Snape (my favorite character in the series; I'm also in love with him. Like, for real). The premier was fun and packed. The movie was brilliant. It followed the book so closely, it was almost perfect. My favorite scene was the counsel of Death Eaters toward the beginning. Such a well-crafted scene and so well acted, especially by the gifted Alan Rickman and Ralph Fiennes, Snape and Voldemort, respectively.
And so here we are, at the end. It has been a long road with these stories. I'm now 25 and the books have stayed with me all the while. I am constantly reading one or two Harry Potter books, so I have lost track of how many times I've read them. I'll even occasionally read the series backwards or start somewhere in the middle of one of the books and then read til I've gotten to that point again after I finish the rest in order just to mix things up. I am beyond a fanatic, I am emotionally attached. Not just because I grew up with them, but also because of how much they have influenced myself and those around me, like my sister, who struggled with reading and relating to people in general until Harry came into her life, and now she's going into forensic psychology, is incredibly smart and well-read, a poet, and the life of the party (yes, I attribute all of this to J.K. and her marvelous books). I have been inspired by this series, uplifted by them, and moved by them. It is hard to say goodbye. But say it we must.
So here's to Jo. And here's "to the Boy Who Lived."
Once I finished the third, it was like I was starving and left without bread as I waited for the fourth. Every wait between books got more and more difficult. In between, all there was to do was discuss the mysteries and intricacies with your friends or go see the movies about 900 times in the theater or at home. When "Goblet of Fire" came out, it was darker. I was 14 or 15, and I remember being slightly scared during the resurrection of Voldemort scene. The dark magic was realistic and well-described. To the nay-sayers who said the book series was evil, this is the one scene, I think, that might stray toward that end. But still to this day, if anyone says anything negative about the series, I get an almost irresistible urge to shove a book up their asses.
"Goblet of Fire" was also the first book in the series to make me cry. Toward the end of Harry and Voldie's duel, the ghosts of Harry's parents come out of the tip of Voldemort's wand, wishing Harry encouragement and telling him how proud they are of him. I remember my mom reading this to us, crying. We were all crying at that point. That's what the books mean most to me. J.K. Rowling weaves her worlds and characters so effectively that you feel as strongly about these people as if they were flesh and blood. The stories are powerful not only because they are about good triumphing over evil, but they are about people, people you get to know and love.
When "The Half-Blood Prince" came out, we were in London ("we" being my dad, Sheila, Andrea, Marjaan, Heidi and I), for the premier. We sat outside on the street as midnight arrived, and we were so wildly enthusiastic that more and more camera crews from different news stations came to interview those "crazy American girls." When we were let in the book shop we, along with hundreds of crazed fans, groped our copies like feverish hounds. We posed as more press took our photos, clutching the books, hardly able to wait until we trotted back to the hotel room. Our dad started reading to us from chapter one, "The Other Minister." Both my parents, I should mention, are extremely good at reading things out loud. For the next few weeks we spent in Europe, all of us would read Harry at night, us girls sometimes reading in secret late at night. (We got in trouble for that one, too.) The book was amazing, my personal favorite in the series, and also, I think, the best. It is very intricate and intelligent, and it never ceases to entertain.
By the time it came to waiting for the seventh, I already had my own theories about how the series was to end. (All of which came true, by the way. I knew what was what.) I remember discussing, arguing, and anticipating with my friends and family. In the meantime there were more movies. They all had their ups and downs, but in general, they were likeable. My favorite still is "Prisoner of Azkaban." I also think that it and "Deathly Hallows: Part One" are the most well-done, though "Hallows" follows the book most faithfully of all of them.
Finally, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" arrived on July 21st, 2007. My closest friends and family all went to the book release at midnight, dressed in our finest Harry Potter attire. (I was Ginny, as my hair was long and red.) Mark, my boyfriend at the time, had just left on his mission and missed the premier, so I, of course, had to lord it over him and gloat to the best of my ability. I went home and started reading the book with my good friends Amy and Colton. We stayed up very late and got very far in the book, but I didn't want to devour it all in one night. It was the last book, I wanted to savor it. (Unlike Amy, who finished it that night. Or rather, early the next morning.) As I said, everything I predicted came true, down to Snape being good, (I knew this because of the one line in "Half-Blood Prince" where Harry is coming after him and Snape simply says, "No, Potter.") and Harry having to die because of the bit of Voldie's soul in him and then coming back to life. The Malfoys ending up on no one's side. Draco having a final confrontation with Harry and Harry having to save his life. Stuff like that. The main thing I was surprised about was Fred's death. I mean, I knew somebody major (besides Snape, whose death ALSO made me cry), had to die, but I didn't think it was him. I remember setting the book down for a second, my heart pounding, my mouth drying up. Not Fred. It was too sad. It wasn't until the scene with his family mourning him that I actually cried, though. Then came one of my favorite moments in the book. The Death eaters had broken in, Neville had killed Sagini, (YAY, Neville!!!!) and the students and faculty of Hogwarts were putting up an heroic fight. At one point, Bellatrix is attacking Ginerva Weasley, Luna, and Hermione, when Mrs. Weasley comes rushing in, yelling, "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" She then kills Bellatrix. I remember my mom reading that out loud, practically screaming the line. (I am now tearing up as I am typing this.) My mom, like Molly, is a kind of mama-lion, protective of her cubs. It was so fierce and brilliant a moment that every time I read it I get chills and the urge to stand up and cheer. There are several of those moments through the series and the final book. She's a talented girl, that JoAnn Kathleen.
But even when I finished the book, at least it wasn't over. There were still movies to look forward to, and fun ones at that. I went to all the midnight showings, dressed up, of course. Going to the premiers with friends has been some of the funnest times. Finally, "Deathly Hallows: Part One" came out. My friends and I went as the villains of the stories. Colton was Draco Malfoy, Amy was Bellatrix Lestrange, Heidi was Delores Umbridge, Whitney was Rodolphus Lestrange, Stacy was Narcissa Malfoy, and I was Severus Snape (my favorite character in the series; I'm also in love with him. Like, for real). The premier was fun and packed. The movie was brilliant. It followed the book so closely, it was almost perfect. My favorite scene was the counsel of Death Eaters toward the beginning. Such a well-crafted scene and so well acted, especially by the gifted Alan Rickman and Ralph Fiennes, Snape and Voldemort, respectively.
And so here we are, at the end. It has been a long road with these stories. I'm now 25 and the books have stayed with me all the while. I am constantly reading one or two Harry Potter books, so I have lost track of how many times I've read them. I'll even occasionally read the series backwards or start somewhere in the middle of one of the books and then read til I've gotten to that point again after I finish the rest in order just to mix things up. I am beyond a fanatic, I am emotionally attached. Not just because I grew up with them, but also because of how much they have influenced myself and those around me, like my sister, who struggled with reading and relating to people in general until Harry came into her life, and now she's going into forensic psychology, is incredibly smart and well-read, a poet, and the life of the party (yes, I attribute all of this to J.K. and her marvelous books). I have been inspired by this series, uplifted by them, and moved by them. It is hard to say goodbye. But say it we must.
So here's to Jo. And here's "to the Boy Who Lived."
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Truths For Mature Humans Part 2
1. Women who can’t do their own makeup should never be allowed to apply your tanning lotion.
2. Texting has created a whole new way to be passive-aggressive.
3. Lonely cat lady is a stereotype for a reason.
4. Having someone you could imagine yourself hooking up with in your group, whether work, friends, church group, etc., is a great motivator for actually showing up.
5. Even if a policeman is busy at the side of the road, ticketing an unfortunate driver other than you, people will still slow to a crawl as they drive by.
6. Things that are important are often the hardest to remember or carry out.
7. Your mother will never like what you’ve done with your hair. And she is the person who cares most in the world about the dead skin cells that sprout out of the top of your head.
8. 19-year-olds are the most opinionated people in the world. And their opinions are usually wrong.
9. Some activities you did as a child are simply more fun as an adult. Coloring, Mad Libs, Spin the Bottle, Twister, Truth or Dare, etc.
10. Burning your tongue can just ruin your whole day.
11. You never curse more intensely than the moment you stub your toe.
12. Black people are awesome because they express themselves so exuberantly.
13. Sometimes you wish you were Black.
14. Disney movies are so much funnier now.
15. There is a point in your life when you realize that only a small handful of people know or like the real you. This handful does not usually include your parents.
16. Why the hell did we have to learn long division?
17. The only reason you learn about pH balance in Chemistry class is so that you can take care of your hot tub when you’re rich enough to get one by doing something other than being a Chemistry teacher.
18. The point at which you stop caring how you look to other people and just to yourself is usually the point you start exercising more.
19. If there is a bug in my drink, I usually just drink around it.
20. The music coming from the ice cream truck will still get you a little happy and excited, whether or not your artificial hip actually keeps you from running after it.
21. Thinking of yourself as a big reader and actually being one are not the same thing.
22. People who say they like running are liars.
23. Whether or not you’re a competitive person, there will always be that person of the same sex that gets under your skin and makes you want to outdo them at everything.
24. Sometimes you still misjudge the size of your mouth.
25. I hate it when there’s ice at the bottom of your glass, and you go to drink the tiny last bit of liquid at the bottom of your glass, and all the ice falls on your face.
26. There’s a certain point where someone is quoting a movie a little too much and then it gets awkward.
27. Forgetting the punchline of a joke halfway through is akin to believing, for a second, that you’re drowning.
28. As a kid, having the same name as five other kids in your class and having to be called something like “Ashley J.” is kind of cool. As an adult, it kind of sucks.
29. Yes, most things in infomercials actually look like a good idea. That doesn’t stop the commercials from being annoying and cheesy. “But WAIT!”
30. Sometimes you go to job interviews and find yourself hoping, halfway through the interview, that you won’t be hired for this job.
31. What is up with complete strangers adding me as a friend on Facebook?
32. Everyone wishes they were a pirate. Just a little.
33. I’m confused about the conflicting instructions on tooth care I’ve gotten over the years.
2. Texting has created a whole new way to be passive-aggressive.
3. Lonely cat lady is a stereotype for a reason.
4. Having someone you could imagine yourself hooking up with in your group, whether work, friends, church group, etc., is a great motivator for actually showing up.
5. Even if a policeman is busy at the side of the road, ticketing an unfortunate driver other than you, people will still slow to a crawl as they drive by.
6. Things that are important are often the hardest to remember or carry out.
7. Your mother will never like what you’ve done with your hair. And she is the person who cares most in the world about the dead skin cells that sprout out of the top of your head.
8. 19-year-olds are the most opinionated people in the world. And their opinions are usually wrong.
9. Some activities you did as a child are simply more fun as an adult. Coloring, Mad Libs, Spin the Bottle, Twister, Truth or Dare, etc.
10. Burning your tongue can just ruin your whole day.
11. You never curse more intensely than the moment you stub your toe.
12. Black people are awesome because they express themselves so exuberantly.
13. Sometimes you wish you were Black.
14. Disney movies are so much funnier now.
15. There is a point in your life when you realize that only a small handful of people know or like the real you. This handful does not usually include your parents.
16. Why the hell did we have to learn long division?
17. The only reason you learn about pH balance in Chemistry class is so that you can take care of your hot tub when you’re rich enough to get one by doing something other than being a Chemistry teacher.
18. The point at which you stop caring how you look to other people and just to yourself is usually the point you start exercising more.
19. If there is a bug in my drink, I usually just drink around it.
20. The music coming from the ice cream truck will still get you a little happy and excited, whether or not your artificial hip actually keeps you from running after it.
21. Thinking of yourself as a big reader and actually being one are not the same thing.
22. People who say they like running are liars.
23. Whether or not you’re a competitive person, there will always be that person of the same sex that gets under your skin and makes you want to outdo them at everything.
24. Sometimes you still misjudge the size of your mouth.
25. I hate it when there’s ice at the bottom of your glass, and you go to drink the tiny last bit of liquid at the bottom of your glass, and all the ice falls on your face.
26. There’s a certain point where someone is quoting a movie a little too much and then it gets awkward.
27. Forgetting the punchline of a joke halfway through is akin to believing, for a second, that you’re drowning.
28. As a kid, having the same name as five other kids in your class and having to be called something like “Ashley J.” is kind of cool. As an adult, it kind of sucks.
29. Yes, most things in infomercials actually look like a good idea. That doesn’t stop the commercials from being annoying and cheesy. “But WAIT!”
30. Sometimes you go to job interviews and find yourself hoping, halfway through the interview, that you won’t be hired for this job.
31. What is up with complete strangers adding me as a friend on Facebook?
32. Everyone wishes they were a pirate. Just a little.
33. I’m confused about the conflicting instructions on tooth care I’ve gotten over the years.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Gay And Mormon.
This is my friend Blake's entry from the new book: "Gay Mormons? Latter-Day Saint Experiences of Same-Gender Attraction."
It is a great read. I recommend it.
http://gaymormonforum.org/gay_mormons/node11.html
It is a great read. I recommend it.
http://gaymormonforum.org/gay_mormons/node11.html
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The C Word. And Others.
In this modern age, the age of liberated women, tv shows like Sex and the City, and pants, one question that seems to float around an awful lot is this: is courtship dead?
I was thinking the other night, and I realized that I've never really been asked out on a date. Perhaps this is my fault for always hanging around too many guys until my expectations are lowered, but then again, it seems strange that this phenomenon has been generated simply from my propensity to surround myself with men.
Don't get me wrong, I've been out to dinner with guys. But they're usually guys I am already involved with or "just friends." I don't recall there ever being a time when a guy asked me to dinner or dancing or something with the intention being getting to know me better because he liked me and wanted to see where we could go. Maybe my memory is failing me, I don't know. The point is, have men become too comfortable with the fact that women are liberated enough that they don't have to woo us anymore? Many women claim that our new-found freedom is a double-edged sword. We want power, respect, independence, and treatment as equals, but we also want to be adored, pampered, fought for, and romanced.
While I'm on the subject of courtship and romance, another issue has been on my mind. The issue of that little phrase, "I love you." This, to me, is a phrase that packs quite a punch. It is a phrase so significant to me that I have only said it to three men "in that way" in my entire life. However, I've been hearing more and more about people who say it quickly and often, who throw it out willy-nilly like "hello," or "cute dog." So my question is this: how many people out there are the type to say it quickly and to anyone they happen to be dating, and how many are the type to wait, to weigh things carefully, to make sure it's actually true before they say it? Also, how many people have said it back, just to protect their partner's feelings?
So that's it. For today, at any rate.
I was thinking the other night, and I realized that I've never really been asked out on a date. Perhaps this is my fault for always hanging around too many guys until my expectations are lowered, but then again, it seems strange that this phenomenon has been generated simply from my propensity to surround myself with men.
Don't get me wrong, I've been out to dinner with guys. But they're usually guys I am already involved with or "just friends." I don't recall there ever being a time when a guy asked me to dinner or dancing or something with the intention being getting to know me better because he liked me and wanted to see where we could go. Maybe my memory is failing me, I don't know. The point is, have men become too comfortable with the fact that women are liberated enough that they don't have to woo us anymore? Many women claim that our new-found freedom is a double-edged sword. We want power, respect, independence, and treatment as equals, but we also want to be adored, pampered, fought for, and romanced.
While I'm on the subject of courtship and romance, another issue has been on my mind. The issue of that little phrase, "I love you." This, to me, is a phrase that packs quite a punch. It is a phrase so significant to me that I have only said it to three men "in that way" in my entire life. However, I've been hearing more and more about people who say it quickly and often, who throw it out willy-nilly like "hello," or "cute dog." So my question is this: how many people out there are the type to say it quickly and to anyone they happen to be dating, and how many are the type to wait, to weigh things carefully, to make sure it's actually true before they say it? Also, how many people have said it back, just to protect their partner's feelings?
So that's it. For today, at any rate.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Just a Little Poetry.
I am in orbit around you,
I am suspended weightless over you
like the blue man
in the Chagall,hanging over you
in a delirious kiss.
Yesterday on the street
I swore I heard your name.
I turned and there was nobody there.
Just five birds rising off the ground--and when their wings hit the air,
I heard your name again.
Just for that second I was one of them,
pounding out your name...
A word of two syllables
locked inside my head.
You see, I am
and I will always be
the one who loved you
without limits.
This is my whole life right now.
Writing to you, talking to you like this.
Saying things I wanted to say,
but could not. And why?
When you are reaching for a star,
there is a long way to fall.
I love you. I have breathed you in.
Why should we sip from a tea cup,
when we can drink from the river?
I am suspended weightless over you
like the blue man
in the Chagall,hanging over you
in a delirious kiss.
Yesterday on the street
I swore I heard your name.
I turned and there was nobody there.
Just five birds rising off the ground--and when their wings hit the air,
I heard your name again.
Just for that second I was one of them,
pounding out your name...
A word of two syllables
locked inside my head.
You see, I am
and I will always be
the one who loved you
without limits.
This is my whole life right now.
Writing to you, talking to you like this.
Saying things I wanted to say,
but could not. And why?
When you are reaching for a star,
there is a long way to fall.
I love you. I have breathed you in.
Why should we sip from a tea cup,
when we can drink from the river?
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Post-It Always Sticks Twice...
"Actually, there is a good way to break up with someone. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman to her face that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy, but I think you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of being the bad guy and actually have the 'uncomfortable breakup conversation' because here's what: avoiding it is what makes you the bad guy. And you know what else? Women aren't all irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this: there is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn't include a post-it!"
-Carrie Bradshaw
-Carrie Bradshaw
Monday, February 21, 2011
Elton John Said It Best.
Funny how life goes in circles. You think you've moved on, forgotten, started anew, and then you find yourself in a staring contest with four years ago. You had only just begun to move past your past, and then there it is again, waving hello to you, smiling and smelling so familiar...
We are haunted by our pasts, yes. That is always the case. But every once in a while, when history starts repeating itself and we get that all-too-unsettling sense of deja vu, it stops us on our tracks. We straighten up, look around, sniff the air, the hair on the back of our necks standing straight up as if in warning. "You've been here before..."
We are haunted by our pasts, yes. That is always the case. But every once in a while, when history starts repeating itself and we get that all-too-unsettling sense of deja vu, it stops us on our tracks. We straighten up, look around, sniff the air, the hair on the back of our necks standing straight up as if in warning. "You've been here before..."
Monday, February 14, 2011
V-Day
To me, Valentine's Day has never been about whether I'm dating someone or not. Maybe it's because I'm not really a relationship person, but I've never been overly depressed or ridiculously happy on Valentine's Day. To me, it's about every kind of love, not just romantic. And, of course, it's also my dad's birthday, so it's kind of always been about family.
But on another note, I would like to discuss romantic gestures. I think one of the biggest reasons we watch romantic movies is for the big gesture at the end, the running through a crowded airport to catch your love just in time, the person who ignores all rules to get their message across, the handsome man who rides up on horseback to whisk you away to a life of adventure and passion.
Whatever happened to the grandiose gestures? The ones that meant something? Roses and candy are all very well, but I'd rather have a guy stand outside of my bedroom window, holding up a boom box, asking, desperately, hopelessly, if he can be part of my life.
I want poetry!
But on another note, I would like to discuss romantic gestures. I think one of the biggest reasons we watch romantic movies is for the big gesture at the end, the running through a crowded airport to catch your love just in time, the person who ignores all rules to get their message across, the handsome man who rides up on horseback to whisk you away to a life of adventure and passion.
Whatever happened to the grandiose gestures? The ones that meant something? Roses and candy are all very well, but I'd rather have a guy stand outside of my bedroom window, holding up a boom box, asking, desperately, hopelessly, if he can be part of my life.
I want poetry!
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